Thursday, January 8, 2009

The title is here you just can't see it

So there are so many things swirling around in my head today. Dreams( night ones ), school, muscle twitches, growing up. You know.... things like that.
Dreams -
I have been having this same reoccurring dream for I don't know how long now. I think it was Tuesday night when I last had it. When I wake up all the next day I am stuck with that feeling that the dream brings out and even though I know it was all a dream, in a way it still feels like it happened and the feeling/thoughts stay with me. Why do we dream? Do dreams mean something? The actual dream is pretty much always the same but the people in it change. Well the 2 main people in the dream are Gary and me but the others in the dream change. I dream that Gary is cheating on me and a lot of the times he is doing it right in front of my face and I am just watching in total disbelief for his complete disregard for me. And I am just asking why he is doing this and he never answers me. It's in my pleading with him to explain why when I always wake up. I hate it. Sometimes, and this is kind of funny, the girl in the dream is a celebrity. One time is was Angelina Jolie! Haha.....Gary thought it was hilarious. It was, but it wasn't. Most of the times it's just random people that we know and sometimes even my sisters! Yeah....figure out that one! I know he would never cheat on my in real life....so I wonder why I ALWAYS have this dream.
School
We are thinking about enrolling Bella at Strickland this Fall in their pre k-program. It would be Monday - Friday from 8-12 and I keep thinking this would be a great time for me to go to school and get my foot back in that door. That door has long been closed. We shall see if that is a direction that my family would want me to go in because of course my family is my first priority but with mornings free like that it just seems like it should not be a wasted opportunity. On the flip side of that it makes me completely sad to think that Bella is growing up so fast and is almost ready for real school. I still call her my baby and she is just that. It's so strange to have such conflicting feelings about that. On the one hand I am ready for her to grow up and on the other hand I am clinging on to her as long as I can.
Muscle twitches
They are annoying and it is taking all that is in me not to be too paranoid about this yet. You may not know this.....but I'm not a doctor but I play one on the Internet. I keep telling myself that it's mind over matter. Don't run too far with it and go diagnosing myself with a debilitating disease just yet. But it's oh so hard. I don't want to go to the Dr. because the last time I went to the doctor with a strange thing that was going on with my body (shakiness) the doctor just kind of told me with out really saying, that I'm probably imagining it. Especially because I could not prove it ya know. But it was there.....I assure you, I feel it. And I feel these twitches all over too but you can't really see them so I figure it would be more of the same thing. Her just kind of looking at me like she thinks I'm cuckoo. I'm starting to wonder if I am. Sometimes I wish my brain could just rest for a minute, or at least not be so obsessive about these ailments. And notice I did not say imaginary ailments.....because they are there. Even if no one else can see them. And no, I never had an imaginary friend.

5 comments:

Doublebanker said...

Muscle twitching is something I have from time-to-time too. It really is strange when it happens.

Summer said...

Dreams are so odd. I've had similiar, except the roles are reversed. I'm the one with another guy, not Chris with another woman. I HATE those dreams and I tell Chris about them just because I felt so guilty. Where on earth does that come from? For a time, he wondered if I was feeling unloved, so he constantly makes it a point to verbally show his love to me - and honestly that's helped. But weird, huh?

I love the idea of Bella in pre-K! She's branching out - her dance/gym class and now school!

I'm interested to know your thoughts about school for you - where, for what? I think you'd do a great job at it - and it'd be very fulfilling to you.

Sarah Hogan said...

I have a friend who is a psychologist and she told me once that muscle twitches and troubling recurring dreams are products of stress. I know when my stress level is high because I always dream about mountain lions and tornados chasing me. My right eye twitches too.
I am so excited for you to go back to school. Ultrasound tech is also a great job that makes quite a bit of money with only 2 years of school. I love that so many hospitals now let you work 3 12-shifts a week and it's full-time. A lot of hospitals are offering huge bonuses for nurses right now, too, because they're so short-handed.
If you have to take some basic courses first that you think will be a breeze, you can take DANTES or CLEP exams. Phillip took several in his undergrad so he could finish faster and they're much cheaper than paying tuition.

Monica said...

Sarah - I hope that it is just stress related and not something more serious.
ANd thanks for the school info. I am very excited at the possibility and what I could possibly do. 3 1hours work days would be great and so would 2 incomes!
Summer - I have drea,s where it's the other way around too....but that way does not trouble me...hahaha.
But by far I dream him cheating on me A LOT! Dreams are weird.

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