HELP

I'm totally copying Sara H. in asking for help with something I can't seem to decide. I go back and forth on which sink to go with for our new kitchen remodel. They are only slightly different but the top one is about 60 dollars cheaper and slightly smaller. Gary likes the bigger, I like thesmaller because it's cheaper. I can't decide!

Time for a New Look

I was playing around with new blog layouts today and spent way more time on it than I should have. Something about Bella's nap time makes me want to veg out in front of the computer and check facebook, emails, read the news of the day....all with out interruptions. Very relaxing. This is what I came up with ......well I didn't come up with it....I just found it and copied it. I love changing things around. I love making things pretty and the best part of changing your blog up is that it's free! Now only if it were that easy to change myself up or my house like that. Wouldn't it be so much fun if one day you just get tired of the look of something like your bedroom or kitchen or your wardrobe and Voila! A Whole new look for free. Yes, I think I could live that for sure.

Nobody did it

It's always very interesting to me when strange things happen around here and nobody is to blame. Does nobody live in every one's house? I made some cupcakes today for small group and have them sitting on the stove all nice and neat. I happen to notice that 2 cupcakes have little bitty finger prints on them and I know I did not put them there. I casually say to Bella, " Bella, do you know who put these fingers in the cupcakes?" She immediately said, "Hannah". So I ask Hannah the same thing and she says she has no idea, maybe Papa! Yeah right, he was not even home when I noticed it. Some one is LYING! Both of them are sticking to their story that they did not do it. I have my suspicions and mom's suspicions are pretty much always right. But I don't want to out right call one a liar when I really don't know. What do you do when you know one of your children is lying. It makes me sad. I like honesty at all costs.

Surprises

I am not big on Surprises. I always seem to find out before I can actually be surprised. It's strange. I guess it's hard to hide things when you're married, especially when you are in charge of balancing the check book. You're going to see the evidence. Duh! Anyhow our 5 year anniversary is tomorrow and we do plan on going out to dinner just to quietly celebrate. We already had our big "celebration" when we went away last month to the Mississippi Coast and so I was not really expecting gifts. To me that vacation was our gift but my kind hearted husband had a few surprises, or not so surprises, surprises and I accidentally found them both before he could give them to me. The first was that he had taken my wedding band ( I have not been able to wear it for months) to the jewelry shop to be repaired. The ring actually snapped apart and one of the diamonds fell off and I have been too cheap to take it in to get repaired so he did it for me. I thought that was sweet even though I would not have wanted to spend the money on it for me. Then I got surprise # 2 in the mail yesterday afternoon( he said he thought he'd be able to intercept it) The new or updated CHLOE! It's one of the 2 perfumes I have been wanting and he got it for me. I love it! I love love love perfume. I feel so loved when people buy me things. Thanks babe!

Easter Sunday

We had a great Easter Sunday. We got to sleep in because we had the Sunday off from greeting which is a big treat for us. We went to late service and I must say Anthony's Sermon was really good. I was a little skeptical about him doing an easter sermon based on a movie we had not even seen so we stayed up late the night before and actually watched Slum Dog which turned out to be a really great movie. Loved it. I'm glad we watched it. After church we spent time at my sister Michelle's house eating, hanging out, and watching the kids hunt for eggs. We did not have the confetti eggs this year. We completely dropped the ball on that. After indulging in some delicious key lime pie we headed out to conclude our evening at another church service just down the road from our house, called Austin New Church. This church to me really epitomizes what a church should be. They are so active in serving others and the community and it's very inspiring to me. My Best Friend of my younger years ( middle and high school) invited us to see her and her husband give their "story" of how they were disconnected from church for so long until they discovered this new church and how they have been healed or are in the process of healing from their past hurts ( from their church) and how their faith and love for Christ has been resurrected/restored. How appropriate for an Easter Service. It was very moing. Anyway it was a great ending to the day and I got to hear Amazing Grace ( well Chris Tomlin's version anyway) and I just love that song. What Amazing Grace we receive! And all because he loves us that much.

The girls Easter Baskets

So much fun to look for the eggs

my easter girls

Praise God

So things went well at my dr.s appointment. He did the nerve/muscle testing on my right arm and said from what he could tell things looked normal and healthy. He did not see any reason to test any of the other limbs. The test it's self was pretty uncomfortable so I was fine with that. They basically sent electricity through my body and shocked the nerves to see if they reacted normally. OUCH! It was freaky. I thought my normal twitching was bad....this was like...WHOA! Then he had to insert needles into about 6 different muscles along the hand arm and neck and test the muscle for any abnormalities. That was not fun either. It was kind of like acupuncture but much worse. He said he had no reason to suspect muscle or nerve disease but did say that limbs can be affected differently. For instance one limb of the body could test normal while another might not. But since none of my limbs showed clinical muscle weakness or wasting he had no reason to believe further testing was needed. He said he is pretty confident of the initial diagnosis of Benign fasciculation syndrome being accurate. He did say that if his prognosis was not good enough for me that he could refer me to a neurologist for extensive testing on all limbs and also the tongue! Eww.... I think I'll pass for now. I told him if he was sure that I did not "need" further testing that I was fine with that. Further down the line if things get worse or I start having more symptoms not related to BFS I can choose to do testing then. SO....for now I am just going to sit confident in his diagnosis and leave this in GOD's hands.....not that it was not in his hands all along, but I am just going to move on. Will I have my freak outs when my muscles are jumping all over the place...maybe but I think I will be okay. He did suggest a seizure medication that has been known to help with muscle twitching but I am not one to jump to quickly to drugs. I have researched a few natural/homeopathic remedies that I think I want to try first. So we shall see. Thanks for all the prayers and for those of you that encouraged me to stay positive and trust in GOD. I am sure it's through the faith of all of you that I am okay. Praise GOD!

I'm not Crazy

Tomorrow I have my EMG/NCV Nerve testing. There is no way I can put in words (it would take about 25 hours) the worry/anxiety that this little test has put me through. Well not so much the test but what has led up to the test. It seems like it's been a long, drawn out process that has required me to play a lot of the waiting game. I'm not good at waiting. It's a form of torture if you ask me. I'd rather shovel dirt piles than have to wait to find out my fate. For me, the unknown is scary and not only that, things I have no control over literally drive me insane. Literally. I like to be in control...in the know of what is going on with myself especially if it concerns my health. I know it probably sounds funny but I assure you there is nothing funny about hour after hour after hour of worrying about something. The what ifs, the agonizing over the what ifs about the what ifs. It's been a torturous cycle. It has brought me to sheer panic plenty of times because the reality of not knowing is just too unbearable. And worst...thinking that the worst possible scenario I can come up with in my mind might actually be true. The Good news is that I have looked at these last few weeks as a growing process. A challenge. A test of my faith. Can I trust GOD? Is he Good? Can I put my life completely in his hands( for better or worse) and no matter what the outcome still believe he is an ALL loving God and one that will never forsake me? These are the hard questions I really had to ask myself? And those are not easy questions.

So now what? Well I have come to terms with the diagnosis I have been given. Benign Fasciculation Syndrome. It's basically a nerve disorder that causes twitching all over my body and can also cause shakiness, muscle fatigue, muscle spasm/cramps, itchiness, headaches and some other annoying things. I have all the symptoms! So the test tomorrow is to rule out any major muscle/nerve disease like multiple Sclerosis, Lou Gherig's disease and some others. The specialist I met with last week seems to think I have none of those horrible diseases and is almost 100% positive it's just the Benign Fasciculation Syndrome. The testing will give us that confirmation or not. So I pray for a normal EMG/NCV test and can live with the twitching and all those other annoying symptoms as long as it means I am not going to become cripple or die from a horrible disease. While there is no known cure for BFS it is an acknowledged disorder and that gives me some peace because I really was starting to think all these symptoms I was having were in my head and now I realize they were not. I'M NOT CRAZY! Isn't that great??

Things I am Thankful For

1. GOD's Love - simply because he is who he is. Through my worry, through my lack of faith, through my pain, or through my praise. His love does not change,it remains the same. It never fails.

2. Answered Prayers.

3. Normal Blood Test Results after a week agonizing over abnormal blood test results.

4. Counseling. Specifically the Counselor.

5. Letting go of pride. It could possibly be the most deadliest sin.

6. Being able to take my girls to the park and play with them outside and just breathing them in, as they are being kids.

7. Watching Bella play and dance and smile when she does not realize I am watching her. This can bring me to tears.

8. Emotions. It's okay to be emotional and show your emotions. But not letting them lead my train but learning how to reposition them behind Scriptures, Truth, and God's Will.

9. My weekly womens book/bible study. Again, more specifically the women in the group. I have been so fortunate to share some time with some really amazing women and have learned so much from this study and from them. I am just enamoured with Alicia Britt Chole who is the lady that is doing the dvd based lesson. I still have not found the right words to describe her or my feelings for her. And If I had the power to carry her around with me all day long I would, but I don't so I'm hoping that her words will sink in and take root.

10. My family. My Husband - for always keeping a positive outlook on things. My Dad - for his ability to calm my fears, worries and anxiety and his Strong Faith in the Lord. My mom - for surprising me all the time with her devotion to her girls through her kind gestures. I know that her and my dad would do anything for me. ANYTHING! My Sister Michelle - for praying for me and for being the person I can talk to. Melissa - for letting me be silly and her ability to always make me laugh. Hannah - for her desire to know GOD and what he wants for her in her life and for her words of wisdom at times even though she is only 8 years old. And Bella - For her hugs and kisses and for the constant joy she brings to my heart. A joy so powerful that it can almost be healing.

I was just feeling extra Thankful today. Praise GOD.