1 Year ago

1 Year ago I wrote this blog on Myspace. . Bella was not quite 2 and it was Summer after 1st grade for Hannah. I was home with the girls all day by myself( nothings changed there) in a tiny little 2 bedroom apt. This was also around the time I was having so many problems with Hannah that I was just fed up with being her mother. I thought for sure God had given me more than I could handle with her and most days was reduced to shouting out to him to please, please help me while I just sobbed. Well God surely never gives us more than we can handle and I'm happy to say things with Hannah have improved 10 fold. This past year has been one of the best years ever with her. I have no doubt it is the answer to many days pleading with God to make me into the type of mother Hannah needed to thrive and to be a healthy, happy child. Here's the blog.....

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Paid in kisses

I don't like days like these. Sometimes I get in these moods or have these days where I am feeling blah and feeling really down for no real reason. I feel like I am just a mom and always having to take care of things and yet there is no time to take care of me! Who takes care of me??? You know sometimes I want to be picked up after and sometimes I want to be cooked a meal.....and sometimes I want someone to wash and dry and put my laundry away. Since I stay home with my children it is somehow my job to take care of running the entire household 24/7. You know someday's I am perfectly fine with that.....other days I am completely frustrated by it and find myself daydreaming of having a "REAL" job outside the home just so I can get away and share household duties 50/50 with my husband. When I had a job before Bella was born.....Gary helped out a lot more than he does now and it just seems that since I have become a stay at home mother....I also get to be the cook, the maid, the bill payer, the grocery shopper, the taxi cab driver, the entertainer, etc, etc, etc. I mean it never ends......And not only do I have to do all these things....I have to do all these things and not get paid for doing them. How in the world does that make any sense??? It really is tiring to be a stay at home mother to 2 kids especially when my husband is working 6 am to 6 pm every day! Especially when you have to figure out ways to keep them entertained ALL day. .I mean I can't just stick them in front of the television all day....do you know how much guilt that would induce? So we color( again) ......Oh this is just exactly what I want to be doing.....or we play a game...and this becomes an ordeal because Bella just wants to mess it all up and Hannah gets frustrated so I get frustrated and so we just have to put the games away....so then we try running an errand just to get out of the house. This is even harder than just staying home....Hannah complains the whole time, Bella won't stay in the stroller because she wants to walk....so instead of focusing on getting the things I need I am chasing Bella around and leave the store forgetting half the things I needed to begin with. Oh and yes it would have helped if I had made a list........this I know...I did....only I forgot the list because just getting the girls out the door with their hair combed and shoes on is a feat itself! I always forget the list!
Is this my life?? Just running around all the time like a chicken with it's head cut off? Not doing what needs to get done ( and not wanting to) and then feeling like a looser because I could not even get the towels in the dryer folded. I mean what a goal to have for the day........MUST FOLD TOWELS!
I sometimes get so envious of single women who have these fabulous careers and go to these extravagant events and have these elegant clothes and have time for manicures and pedicures and don't have any children and just focus on themselves or if they are married they get to have these adventurous get aways and jet here and rendezvous there. I mean wouldn't that be the life????
After all this feeling sorry for myself and slowly pulling my head out of the clouds.....I have a tender moment with my baby. The littlest love of my life, Bella. She plops down in my lap.... and looks up at me with her wide, sappy eyes and flashes that irresistible grin. I know she's tired......I'm tired too. Then she sandwiches my cheeks with her hands and squeezes them tight.....it makes me giggle. Then she gives me one of her kisses. It's the sweetest kiss in the whole wide world. Then I realize.....this is how I get paid. I get paid in Kisses....and it's the most satisfying payment I have ever received.
So now I can go about my day....and it makes it all worth it again. I would not trade my life for anything!

Dirty Dog

Okay so we have a dog. Sophie. Ummm , yeah but I'm not a dog person so liking her is not really in my capabilities. We got her because I was temporarily enamoured ( or temporarily insane) by weenie dogs and for a few months was obsessed with getting one. I did not really want one.....I only wanted to act like I really wanted one because I knew there was no way we could get one. I just wanted Gary to give in. I know, I know...that is wrong on so many levels. So my sweet husband takes me to this weenie dog farm and he says it's just to look at them, we're not going to buy one he claims..... so we go. Awww.....they are so cute. They have all colors and types and we're just checking them out. Then he's like, Well.....pick one out. Umm.....What? He says...... let's get one....... by this time Hannah is all excited because she is playing with all the puppies and I must admit they are so cute when they are puppies but I immediately say NO! I'm not ready for a dog, I don't want the mess. They smell, they shed, they lick and lick and lick. So we left with a dog! Welcome home Sophie. Let me say that the first 2 weeks we got her I was just a mess. Dogs are A LOT of work. I immediately developed a love /hate relationship with her. Loved her because she's cute. Hated her because she was work. Thank God I was not like that with my kiddos. Whew. Anyhow I don't hate her really, it's not like I kick her when no ones looking or poison her food to slowly kill her (hmmmm) . I'm not THAT mean. But today just reinforced all the more why I just don't want her anymore. I'm upstairs getting some clothes to wash and I leave the girls downstairs and they are playing with her. I come down and Hannah is laying on the floor and sophie is straddling her and how shall I say, taking advantage of her leg!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I need that many exclamation points. Eww.......Hannah, what are you doing( as if it's her) ....I mean what are you letting Sophie do that for? She says, ever so innocently.

Hannah: Mommy, it's funny. Look. Sometimes she can do it really fast!
Me: What????? No, no, no...that's not funny Hannah. Get her off! I mean make her stop!
Hannah: But mommy she likes it, it looks like she is dancing or something. Why does she do that?
Me: I don't know honey, but please don't let her do that to you.
Hannah: I don't mind...... she's making us laugh .

Oh my goodness! She has done this in the past and I could never understand why. She's fixed and she's female. I thought only boy dogs did that? And she's only ever done this with Hannah. I told Hannah that dogs only do that to other dogs so maybe Sophie thinks she's a dog. Yep! I think it's time to get rid of Sophie. I can't have that dirty dog violating my innocent child! Is this normal?

Scam or for Real?

Ring. Ring. So I get a phone call this evening and against my better judgement answer it even though it is one of those 800 #'s. I figure it's a call for Arnold Santos since we seem to have inherited his old number and the man must owe someone A LOT of money or be in trouble or maybe he's just really missed because they call here ALL the time looking for him. I don't know how many different times I have to say he does not live here or that I am not he before they will believe. But I'm off the subject and I need to hurry because Today must be my lucky day...... in15 minutes this lady is calling me back with my confirmation number to my free 3 days and 2 nights, did I say FREE, getaway. And if I answer the call back she will bump up the 500 dollar gift certificate to online shopping to 800 dollars. What a deal!!! All I have to do is attend a 1 hour presentation to hear about this new Company....Bonvoyage Travel and Gary and I can take this trip on them just for listening to their speil. Is this for real??? Or is this a Scam? They called me back with my confirmation number and with my reservation for this Friday at 8 to go to their office and hear the presentation.I mean it's not like they asked for a credit card number or were trying to sell me something. They guaranteed my gift and free trip just as long as I came to listen about their company. I mean this could be legit right? Sounds too good to be true to me and usually when something sounds too good to be true, it's usually because it's not. Hmmm...

Silly Issues

What is the biggest( but silliest) thing you and your hubby or wife argue about and just can not agree on? Like for instance, for Gary and me it is what temperature to keep the thermostat on. I prefer 78, he probably would have it on like 70. Who should win in that situation? Do we meet somewhere in between? Naturally I think all my ways are best and surely does he......but the temperature is ALWAYS a point of contention for us. Even in the car....we just simply can never agree on it. This goes for the winter time as well. Now I am not saying this causes major fights or anything because it does not, it's just one of those things ya know. I think the wife should always get her way. That's just my complete unbiased opinion and it's not because I am the wife. If I was the husband I would still feel this way. For real! Should we just alternate days......Like Monday, Wednesday, Friday and half of Sunday I get it my way and Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and the last half of Sunday he get his? I know this may seem completely silly but I always wonder if other couples have this same issue or are we the only silly one? I think this should be a prerequisite in pre-marital counseling that the Pastor should touch on. So that if yall can't agree on it before you get married then you have the option to say, " Sorry babe, but we just are not temperately compatible" " I got to let you go". How do you solve your silly issues?

Back to Reality

Humph! I write this blog as I pout about reality. Reality, shmeality......who wants to live there. I guess that's a down side to vacation, you have to come back from it. I think Bella said it best. She woke up from her nap yesterday and we were about 2 hours outside of Austin. She said, " Mommy, where are we going?"
I look back at her and he eyes are barely even opened. I tell her that we are going back home. We will be there pretty soon. Silence and then a loud burst of crying and she is in tears. Gary and I look at one another and then I look at her and ask her what's wrong and she whines, " I DON"T WANT TO GO HOME" " I want to go back to the hotel!" I know baby...mommy wants to cry too. It's okay....

We did have a nice and relaxing time. None of us were ready to come back really. Not that we hate our life or anything, it was just so nice to hang out all day, have all our meals together, play, laugh. Just take it easy. Oh man I think I might cry right now.... But we are back and at least Gary has off until Saturday before we go back to the complete normal routine of things. This vacation has Gary and me already planning our next get away. Haha....... We just love the beach....even not so pretty ones, but in all honesty it was not that bad at all. It served its purpose and we are pleased.

3 More days!

Well in 3 more days we will be off to the beach! I am so thrilled to be taking a vacation with my hubby and girls. While the beach we are heading too might not be the white sandy beaches of Florida with Emerald Green waters, we are all still very excited and very much looking forward to it. We're heading to Padre. I know I know like I said, it's not the best beach in the world but it's what we could muster this year and we are going to be Thankful and enjoy every second. This vacation is very much needed, especially for Gary. His work schedule has been extremely demanding and he has been working extra long hours and it has to be by the Grace of God that he has been able to keep himself going. So I am hoping he gets some much needed rest and relaxation and mostly some time with us girls to just hang out and have fun. No work, no chores, no bed time, no early morning alarm buzzing, no hectic co-workers to deal with, no CELL PHONE, no internet, NO DISTRACTIONS! Just us on the beach, picking sea shells or running from the waves, the ever so popular building sand castles or better yet burying eachother in the sand. Oh I can't wait. I just pray no one gets sick and throws up and runs fever the entire time and has to be taken to the minor emergency! HANNAH! She did that to us the last time we went to the beach....it was not a fun trip! Anyway as the ever so clever Forrest Gump would say. And that's all I have to say about that!

Fun Fun

So today I took the girls to Toys R Us. Hannah had a 10 dollar gift card that she received for her bday like 2 years ago and I found it in our desk. Yeah!!! She also had 5 dollars burning a whole in her wallet so we decided to just go look around to see what we could find and to kill some time. She sweetly tells me that she wants to buy something for her and Bella since Bella did not have any money or any gift cards. So we go. We look around at all the beach toys, all the water toys, all the dolls, all the stuffed animals, all the isles and isles of ever toy imaginable and make up, and Hannah Montana ( rolling my eyes as I say that ) stuff or junk I should say. This is not about Hannah Montana but I despise Hannah Montana. Haha......sorry. I don't ever allow Hannah to buy that stuff or watch that show but my mother every chance she gets buys it for her but anyway....grrrr. So we are looking around and she picks out some water squirting toys to play with in the pool and a Frisbee to take to the beach. She is so good with her money. She stretches it! Then she sets her sight on a slip n slide and ding ding ding. That's the one she wants. AND it's only $7.99 and she just can't believe her luck. She is soooooooooooooooooo excited. I just get a kick out of kids sometimes. They are so pleased and content with the most simplest of things. The best thing was that it did not disappoint her at all and she had so much fun slipping and sliding. She tells me....." this is way more fun than the wii"!!!! Nice. Bella was a little weary of it. She does not like her face getting wet but she was very brave and crawled ever so cautiously all the way from front to end and got her face wet and did not scream like she was dying. So I was impressed! We had a fun evening outside in the back yard with the slip n slide! The only nights flaw was that Gary was at work and missed out on all the fun. Oh well....he can see the pictures.

Cool Website

I found this website that is so neat. It let's you design your own t-shirt and I had so much fun designing one for myself. I liked it so much I had to buy it! Haha....this could be dangerous.
No, but I loved it....check it out.

Sara, I thought about you and you pregnancy shirt you could make about people keeping their hands off your belly. But you're already a designer so you probably could do this on your own.

http://www.customizedgirl.com/

Rejection

Rejection has long been something I trembly feared. It has kept me from doing many things in my life because the cost of rejection to me was too high a price to pay for anything that grabbed my attention. Even if it was something I really really wanted to do. Because of that, I never ever initiated being friends with someone. I always waited to be approached. If someone didn't approach me, well then they must not like me so it's not worth it to persue them. So I didn't (I wonder what kinds of things I've missed out on because of this consuming fear) Because if I did and then it ended up, that person did not like me, well then that may as well be the end of me because obviously I'm worthless. I think that philosophy caused me to seem Snobby or like I thought I was too good for everyone. It was actually quite opposite. But that was pretty much my way of thinking. Gary used to make fun of me because he could not believe that was how I lived my life. He could not understand that it was literally paralyzing for me to put myself out there for someone or to extend an invitation out to someone. However I did have friends through out my life and was always able to form friendships pretty easily but looking back I realized now that all the people I was friends with pretty much made the first move. They made the effort. I'm taking strides to change that. This fear of rejection was not just reserved for people though. I pretty much did not put myself out there for anything. No way was it in my way to seek out possibly being rejected. By anthing! So I have made a conscious choice and have decided to stop that way of thinking and living. I mean seriously what is so bad about being told no? Yeah it would be, or is embarassing but do I think myself so highly a person that I feel I am above the humiliation? I guess that's what I have been saying all these years in a way even though that's not really the full case. So I am making great strides to also humble myself. Maybe being rejected sometimes can be character building. Maybe we need to be rejected at times. I mean Jesus himself was rejected and I definitely don't think I am better than he. It surely did not mean he was a worthless person so maybe I shouldn't see it that way. Maybe it just means a failed opportunity for whatever reason but it surely does not mean I am not worthy. Or that I am not liked. I realize now, not everyone is going to like me and that too is becoming okay. Who am I to think that everyone should. My worth comes from GOD, not from being accepted by another human being. I have recently put this into action , meaning extending out an invitation, and I must say I am alive and I am fine, and yes I extended an invitation out there, I took a shot and was told no. Good news.........I did not shrivel up and hide in a corner somewhere and die and being told no will not keep me from reaching out again or from trying something else new. So am I saying I want to be rejected? No, of course not but will I be okay if I am. Absolutely.

Did we get the wii?

We got the wii. My ever so persistent husband called all around to many different places to try to find us the best deal possible and found it at Costco. They just so happened to get 20 in the day he called and they told him they go fast so if you want one you better come get one NOW! So I did. Right in the middle of cooking dinner I left for Costco to get one. Gary finished cooking dinner for me and got the girls fed and even the kitchen cleaned up by the time I returned. We got a great deal for sure! Our package came with the gaming system, 2 hand wands, 2 nun chucks or whatever they are called and it came with a Mario game but I can't remember the name of that either and a few other things. The 2 wands are good so we can play eachother and not just the game system. It also came with the wii sports game which I believe is standard and that alone contains golf, bowling, tennis, boxing, baseball, and basketball along with many other. Gary and Hannah were so excited...... and I was very amused with the mii. It's a little person you create to look as much like you as you can and that is your player and we had great fun just doing that before we even played games. The wii is very entertaining I should say. My favorite so far is the baseball......even though I have never even played real baseball before. I also got to beat up my daughter Hannah in a boxing match which I won, then felt guilty for afterwards because that meant I beat up my daughter.....hahaha. The bowling is also a hoot and the tennis is fun too, even though I was not very good at that. Hannah is good at the tennis. Gary is good at all of them! I must say though that our arms were quite sore the next day. But it has been a good time and worth the money for me because it will come in handy quite often and I love to see Gary and Hannah have fun. My mother came over and played it yesterday and she had me laughing so hard because she is not the most coordinated person. And when she plays baseball and swings at the ball she also has to make a noise like the swing of the bat would make when being swung at a ball. She also does that with the tennis game. It's quite hilarious. She's a naturally comedic person physically so the combination of her and the games equaled a lot of funny and a lot of side pain from so much laughing. Good fun! I am sure the wii fit will soon follow since Sara W. sent me a link to that and you can do all kinds of fitness things that look to be a lot of fun too and exercise at the same time. The only bad thing so far is that Bella got bonked in the head by walking just a little too close to her sister while she was playing. She got it pretty good. Poor baby. It's also a little difficult for her to play just yet so she just does a lot of watching and gets a little bored but I saw they have a Disney Princess game that she might enjoy. Thanks to all of you for helping me make this decision and especially to Sara Hogan who inspired me to be a cool wife and let my hubby ( and kids ) get a new cool toy. I recommend this game for good, fun family time.

To wii or not to wii

That is the question. I made the mistake of oh so casually mentioning to Gary that perhaps we should buy the girls a wii. I have never played one or even actually seen one but I am aware they exist and from what I have gathered, this wii thing is quite the video game experience. All this wii talk came about because my sister and I are frustratingly tired of coming up with things to keep our wildly, animate, children occupied all day. I guess we were foolish to think swimming was going to keep them happy the entire summer. It hasn't. And we are only 12 days into this summer thing and I know they are already bored. So we were brainstorming one day things we could do to keep these said children from going coo coo all day with unspent energy. Yeah let's put them in an art camp for a week, and then a soccer camp for another week. Blah, blah , blah. And I still will do those as well but those camps only last a few hours a day and for only one week and they are so freaking expensive. So anyhow I don't remember how we got to talking about the wii but both of us agreed this wii thing would be something really fun for them and would definitely keep them busy at the same time. Brilliant! That means out of our hair right??? Right. So like I said I mention this to Gary and his whole face lights up like I just told him he won a million dollars or something and he got all excited and I have not heard the end of it yet. As a matter of fact as I type this he comes in here and tells me he's going to the store to go buy a wii. Yeah right....not so fast mister. I swear there's nothing that makes a grown man act like a child than keeping him from something he wants to do. He cleverly pleads his case for why we should get the wii and I think he thinks his strongest selling point is saying, " and then we can take it around to all the nursing homes to play video games with all the old people". He knows I have a strong affection towards elders and have mentioned the desire I have to do work with the lonely elders in nursing homes. Shame, shame shame. But I am the level headed one in this pact and I don't jump to things as fast as he does. It takes me a long while to analyze all aspects of the situation before I can feel comfortable making a decision. So the many questions I have darting through my mind..... ....is this video game going to make my child mindless? Is she going to prefer the wii to trying to find ways to entertain herself on her own? Am I going to loose my husband to the wii? Is it safe? Is the wii better than watching television? Is it too expensive an item? Do we NEED the wii? I'm sure wii ( haha ) don't. Does this thing cook and clean and fold laundry? I'll go get it right now it if does! So you see, I can see this being something fun for us to do and I am sure I would stay quite entertained by the action that would ensue. But then again I am convinced that it was playing twister that was the catalyst for my husbands back injury and he is just not as agile as he used to be and I don't want a further damaged husband on my hands and have to go through him not being able to move for 2 weeks again. I understand this wii can be quite physical. So I am just not sure what wii ( hahaha ) will do. If you have a wii or have played one let me know. Is it really all that it proclaims?