RIP - Elli P Tical

Today is a sad day. I lost my sanity, my stress reliever, my beloved ElliPTical trainer. We've had 5 good years together. She finally decided that enough was enough and could no longer bear the weight, that is me. She just gave out midway through our session. I'm sure she tried so hard to hold on........but in the end she just couldn't. She's worn out,finished, dunzo! Thankfully I am okay and I escaped unharmed and only slightly freaked out the rest of my family with the horrible banging sound of her death.

Ummm......okay, now I know I've gained a few pounds but I did not know it was THAT bad. This feels worse than when I broke the toilet seat when I was pregnant! Yep.....I snapped that right in half too.

: (

Cross nursing

Cross Nursing: natural extension or disgusting and weird?

So there's this article that talks about a new trend in nursing I find kind of disturbing. Nursing in the first place can be kind of strange. Before I had Hannah I thought there was no way I would ever breast feed. It just seemed gross and weird and it made me uncomfortable. I had made up my mind I was NOT going to do it but then she was born and they encouraged me to just try and then it seemed so natural and sweet and I felt such a closeness and an immediate bond. So neither of my girls ever had a bottle or formula. It worked for me but I respect it's a woman's right to choose what is right for her and her child. Anyhow now there's a trend of woman breast feeding kids that are not their own. That is so strange to me......I wouldn't want any other woman trying to breast feed my child and I surely don't want to nurse some strangers child. What in the world?? Ewwww!!!!!!!!!!!! Makes me think of that movie The Hand that Rocks the Cradle. Now if they can find a way for my husband to nurse......THAT I might consider. Heck if they can find a way for men to give birth that would be nice. Just kidding.

Grandparents

I miss having grandparents. I guess my last living grandparent passed away a little over 5 years ago and for some reason she was heavily on my mind this morning while on our way to church. Right before she died she had been living in a nursing home and much to my embarrassment I did not visit her nearly as much as I should have. It was so painful to see her in that environment and I could not visit without leaving in tears so I guess my selfish way of dealing was just to not go. I miss her so much sometimes and wish I could drive to her house and see her smiling face as she opened the door chuckling. "Ohhhhhh"....... she would always say as she scrambled for the key to unlock the door. She was such a strong woman and I guess she had to be because she pretty much raised 6 kids all on her own since she lost her husband at a pretty young age. Bless her heart, she had to raise my dad and his twin brother and if you know them, that could not have been easy. I remember when we were told that she had the disease Alzheimer's and it was like no one could believe it, yet in hindsight there were so many signs that pointed to it. I guess we just blew it off and attributed it to aging. It's such a horrible disease and I'll never forget what it did to her. I'll never forget the last time I saw her in that nursing home and how heart breaking it was when it was time to leave and you could just tell that she thought she was coming with us and she was so upset when she realized she wasn't. She had to stay there but she really didn't even know why. I'm not sure she even realized who we were, just that we were there and that we were visiting with her. I have so many horrible stories that stick in my mind of her days in that nursing home that I am not able to articulately verbalize but they are in there and I remember wondering why all that had to happen and especially why it had to happen to her because she lived such a quiet and humble life. She was a woman of faith, a woman so undeserving of what her final days were. Her whole life she took care of people. I pray she is well taken care of where she is now. A part of me wonders if people with Alzheimer's are people that hold so much inside themselves their entire life that it's manifest in this disease. In the late stages they pretty much loose all inhibitions and don't hesitate to say whatever it is that is on their mind. I wonder if all that has to come out before they can die in peace. Before they can leave. I'm not saying they give it to themselves.......I don't know that probably makes no sense what so ever. Anyhow.......I know she meant a lot to all her children and to all her grandchildren and she was on my mind today so I wanted to get that out. I miss her and I wish I could see her and tell her just how much I admire her and I can't wait until I can finally ask her what were some of the best days of her life. I'd ask her about her husband and my dad as a little boy....I have so many things I would ask her. Unfortunately I thought to ask her these questions just a little bit too late. So if you have living grandparents don't take them for granted. Visit them, talk to them, hug them and tell them you love them. I wish I could.

Who's the Blonde?

I was browsing through our old photos and came across this one. It's of Bella when she was around 4 months old and she was completely bald and we used to put this doll wig on her. Too funny!

Blah

I have been feeling so Blah lately and I'm not sure why. I guess it could be that I have been on quite a sugar binge ( starting with the bread pudding I made a few weeks ago) and it might be catching up to me and making me feel heavy and swollen. I've gained a couple of pounds which never feels good and I feel like my regular routine of exercise is no longer useful. Gary was laughing at me yesterday because I am whining about gaining a few lb's as I am serving myself a huge piece of chocolate cake!!! So yeah.....he does not want to hear it. All I wanted was a little sympathy poured into my tank......hahahah . But I guess it's hard to give sympathy to someone who inflicts themselves with their own misery. I've been wanting to do one of those body cleanses but am a little afraid of what it might do. Anyone ever try one?? I know Arbonne makes one......maybe it's time to talk to Summer, my Arbonne supplier. All I know is that I need to change my eating habits( and throw out the rest of that chocolate cake....sorry babe) and possibly cut out sugar for a while and hopefully that will get me back to feeling good again. I don't like feeling this heavy and weighed down. Humph! It's putting me in a bad mood, yet I do this to myself so I should not be complaining. Maybe a good long run outside in this Texas heat will do me good! And babe, even though I love it when you bring me home yummy treats....NO MORE BAGS OF CANDY FOR ME, even if they are buy one get one free. I do best to not have sweets at my fingertips.

So it's no more sugar for me.......Okay after one more bite of chocolate cake!

Goodbye.....Hello

One of the perks to being a wife of a car dealership manager is that your husband has access to lots and lots of cars. I have been perfectly happy driving my little current car that I have. It's a suitable size for me and the girls and it's not bad on gas. It drives well, it's been most reliable, we got a great deal on it and I've been content to call it mine. However we have been toying around with the idea of getting a slightly bigger car. Should we ever add to our family we might possibly need a little more room. I of course, being the one who loves to longingly pine for things I know I can't have,( think dog) have my eye on the SUV that is next size up from the one I currently have. I like to tease Gary and tell him it's the only car I would want to drive. He would just roll his eyes and retire the idea......quickly! If he had his way I would already be in a minivan! I will NEVER drive a minivan. No offense to you mini drivers out there I just don't fancy them. Anyway I know in all honesty there is no way we could justify spending as much on a car as the one I want costs, so when it came down to actually picking out something that would be affordable I tell him I would not mind driving a used highlander since they have the 3rd row seat! He says deal! But we don't really need it yet so we figure if/when we do need one.....it will be the Highlander. But I jokingly tell him to just keep his eyes out for the Lexus I want and to let me know if one comes in. He says sure babe! Wink wink. Well a few days later Gary comes home with a car that comes in on a trade in and it's an 06 Honda Pilot. It has leather seats and is fully loaded and it has very low miles. It's comparable on gas to my current one and Gary says we can get it for a GREAT deal and it has the 3rd row seat and DVD player already in it. It has everything we're looking for in a car. I'm a little hesitant about it......and surprised he would bring home a Honda. No offense Honda people....it's just that he works for Toyota and the last 7 or 8 cars I have driven have been Toyota's and I like them. I was even driving a Toyota before I met Gary. But I decide to be open minded and give it a shot. He let me drive it for the day to check it out and see how it felt driving. I must admit I ended up liking it more than I thought I would but it just did not feel like the right thing to do. We did not need the car now anyway and I did not want to get it just because it was a good deal so after talking it over we decided we would just wait like originally planned. Fine. Good. Back it goes. Then Wednesday I am trying to get out the door to take the girls swimming and notice Bella's car seat is not in my car. Gary accidentally left it in his car and so I call him, and I am a little annoyed that I can't leave and tell him that he has the car seat and hopefully he can be on his way FAST!!!!!!!!! He agrees to be on his way and gets home in a few short minutes. He apologizes for not catching that he had her seat in his car and says he will make it up to me. Yeah yeah....okay don't be silly. So we are heading out the door and get outside and in the driveway is parked a.........GUESS WHAT....the car I want! I'm like what in the world is this......and he says to take a look at it and I'm just thinking, where did this come from? He said they just got it in! What in the world??? How in the world?? I have a million questions and he gets us all set up in it and off we go swimming at my moms. Come to find out that that morning at work on his daily walk through to look at the trade ins this one just happened to be coming in and when he sees it he almost can't believe it....I mean what are the odd's the exact car I want would be coming in because it's the car I want and they rarely come in on trade in. Not only that he can get it at an even better deal than the Honda since it's a couple of years older but these cars are made to last! After driving it though I start to feel really bad for some reason. Like why in the world should I be able to drive the car that I really wanted to drive. Then it started to feel really indulgent. I could not believe I was actually even questioning if we should get it.I started to feel bad and guilty....like I did not deserve to get this car. After talking to Gary he assured me it was not indulgent at all and that the only reason it worked for us to get it was because he could get such a great deal on it and if it had been too much, we would not even be considering it. It will pretty much be an even trade financially only I get a newer and bigger car for the same money. Go figure! Still after driving it a couple of days I was not even sure I liked it as much as my current car ( yes you can call me a brat, my sisters do) so we just decided to see what happens. We put my car on craigs list with a number we needed it to sell for to make it all work out and said we would give it a week and if it sells, it was just meant to be and if it does not, well then it wasn't. I was 100% sure my car would not sell, besides no one's buying cars right now right? But either way I said I was going to be happy with the outcome even though I leaned more towards just keeping my old car. Yes, I know I am retarded! Well, as sad as it was, I said goodbye to my car today. Gary told me to be careful what I wished for around him because he likes to make my wishes reality. He likes to make me happy. I assure him that he does not have to do things like this for my happiness( and just so yall know I'd be happy riding the bus as long as I knew it meant he'd be riding the bus with me) but he still enjoys doing things like this when he can. I realize that it's his job that allowed us to get this car and it's one of the perks of his job but a part of me feels like there was something bigger going on behind the scenes. The way it all happened was just a gift from God. The car and my husband.

Personality Test INFJ

I took the Jung Typology Test today. It was very interesting. I guess my personality type is an INFJ. Which means Introvert Intuitive Feeling Judging. It labels this personality type "Counselor" which is funny to me because I feel like, if I ever get the opportunity to go back and finish college I would work towards a degree in counseling. It's what I feel has been laid upon my heart and it's something Gary and I talk about quite often. The website also breaks down the 4 basic temperaments and my personality falls in the temperament of an Idealist.

Here is the description:

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.
Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.
Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.
Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

My personality falls in to that of an Idealist Temperament:

All Idealists (NFs) share the following core characteristics:
Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom.
Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic.
Idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal journeys and human potentials.
Idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders.

I also read the other 3 temperaments and I do agree I fall primarily into this one. I am sure everyone has a primary and also a secondary temperament or could even possibly contain characteristics of all 3 or even 4. But surely there is one that is more predominately you. If you have not taken the test, if you have a few minutes check it out. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp . It also has careers that fit the type of personality you are. Yes, I am a nerd who enjoys this type of stuff. Hahaha and it fits into this INFJ personality type of always trying to learn about my self and hoping to better myself. Let me know your type if you do it and babe I want to know yours!!!! I think I already know, but I want to see if I'm right.

I'm a drunk

I've recently been illuminated to an area of Hannah's life (with her father and his family )that I did not know about before. Well I knew of it ( knowing his family history) but I did not know that it was affecting my daughter. To explain I have to first explain what brought about this whole issue. About 2 months ago I had a disturbing instance with Hannah. We had some of my family over and we were just hanging out and had grilled fajitas and lots of yummy food. We are all gathered at the table just talking and hanging out. The kids were playing upstairs. All is well. We're all laughing and having a good time. I don't remember what prompted us to open a bottle of red wine. We are all not big drinkers and we all do well just to finish what we pour. There's no sloppy drunkenness taking place. In fact we are all laughing and having a great time before the wine ever flows. AND this is probably the first time in years that we sit down and enjoy ourselves with wine in this way. Anyway..... Hannah comes downstairs and she notices that I have a wine glass in front of me. She sees that we are all laughing and talking and just having a good time. She goes back upstairs. I think nothing of it. Then a few seconds later my niece is calling my mom upstairs but my mom tells her that she is talking with everyone down stairs and she will be up there in a minute. A few seconds later my niece is calling her again so she goes up there. I still think nothing of it. Then my mom is calling me upstairs and finally I am like...OKAY what in the world is going on. I walk upstairs and my mother meets me at the top and tells me that Hannah is crying in her room inconsolably. I ask her why and she says, " She saw you drinking wine and she's very upset." I'm like....Huh??? I was a bit confused. So I go talk to her and she says she is sad because she saw me drinking wine and I was laughing and having a good time and she thinks I am drunk!!!!! I want to laugh....,of course I don't, but I assure her I am no where near drunk and that I simply had tasted some red wine but not enough to where I would be drunk. In my mind I'm wondering how does she even know what drunk is??? I start telling her that there is nothing wrong with having a glass of wine every now and then and I 'm thinking to myself how weird this is to be trying to justify myself to my child. Then it seems more weird that I am trying to justify drinking at all. Is this really what I want to be telling my daughter. Oh, it's okay to have a glass of wine every now and then honey....blah , blah , blah. Red wine can even be good for you......blah, blah. Surely when she's 16, 17, she will remember this conversation and say well if my mommy does it then so can I. It just felt really sickening to me to be having this conversation. I felt horrible and assured her again I was not drunk and that she came down stairs when we had just had a few sips and that I was not even going to finish it, again this is so weird to be defending myself to my 8 year old daughter. I ask her why it upset her so much and she said that she never saw me drink before and she just does not like it. She said her grandma Estela drinks when she is in town and she always gets drunk and will be laughing and acting weird. Then she said she saw me being weird!!! I felt like such a looser because she's upset because she thinks I am drunk, even though I am not. But still! So I was telling every one down stairs why she was upset and they were saying I should explain that I am over 21 and that one glass of wine is not bad and it does not make me a bad person. I know....I said all that but still. It felt wrong on so many levels to be telling my 8 year old daughter it was okay for mommy to be drinking wine. Gary and I talked it over and he said she was just being a Drama Queen and it probably was no big deal. It still left me with a bad feeling even though I thought we had talked it out and she seemed okay.

Then I kind of forgot about it. Well a few weeks ago Gary ran to the store to pick up a couple of things and he took the girls with him. He also grabbed this little cube box of White Sangria thinking nothing of it really. I used to enjoy Red Sangria. Well after my shower that night Hannah asked me if she could talk to me and she pulls me in her bathroom. I'm kind of scared at first because I can tell she's bothered by something. We sit down and she looks at me with this face of concern and she asks me if I Like White Wine. I literally felt like a child being confronted by their parent after they had done something wrong or actually being busted my their parent before doing something wrong. I immediately knew what she was referring to and so here we go again. This time though she tells me something that she had never told me before. Like seeing her grandmother so drunk that she was falling down and could not even walk right. That she was so drunk she could barely unlock the door to get out of the hotel room so she starts yelling for someone to let her out. Then she gets mad at something and takes off and is outside of the Hotel she is staying at which is not in the safest of neighborhoods and no one knows where she is. Then when she returns she is so sick and throwing up everywhere that she passes out. Nice. Hannah said she was really scared to see that and that her grandmother looked really crazy in her eyes. It just broke my heart to know my child had to witness that. Then she asks me if I plan to drink the wine that Gary had picked up. Talk about being in an uncomfortable position......again I felt like the kid and she was the grown up. Weird! She told me plenty other things that are great cause for alarm and then I finally get why she would freak out from seeing me have a glass of wine. I guess she thinks I will end up acting like her grandmother. I guess she thinks that if you drink, you will act like what she saw. I assure her again that I would never ever get drunk or act that way and that I was really sorry she had to see all that. I just felt so bad for her.

I realized its been a long time since she has seen that on some occasions I might enjoy a glass of wine. I guess I stopped drinking wine a few months before we considered adding a 2nd child to our family and then all through my pregnancy I did not. Then for at least 2 years after Bella was born I did not so it just dawned on my that as far back as she can remember, being the last 4 years, drinking has not been a part of our life. If Gary and I indulged in a glass any time recently it has been after the girls were asleep or on our anniversary dinner date. But...... in the last few months on 2 occasions she has noticed that I do in fact drink wine. So again I can understand where she had this notion that it was something we did not do and it was probably something she was really relieved about. Then to realize that I, her mother, the woman who is in charge of taking care of her and providing for her, could possibly be the type of woman she saw in her grandmother. I again felt like such a looser. Like I had let her down, like I had tripped of the pedestal she puts me on. In all honesty I even struggle with wondering if drinking is bad. I sometimes feel like If I was a good Christian mother I would not drink at all. I know it's silly and I don't think the bible strictly forbids it but still in some way it holds this negative reputation. I don't ever want to feel like I disappointed my child. And I surely don't want to give her anxiety over something like this or shape her opinion of alcohol to where she see's it as no big deal. I now see why it's probably just best to avoid it all together. And the funny thing is...... we normally do. In the past 4 years we have maybe had wine only a handful of times. It's not something that is part of our daily routine. And I don't for see it ever being.

Now I'm just wondering.... is drinking bad? I mean I know I can't say it's good. If it was good surely it would be served at say........... Church functions. Yet it is not. Typically you don't think of Pastors sitting around drinking. Why not?? So maybe it is bad. Is it bad for kids to see? Should it be something that should be done out of their sight only? As parents should we not drink at all? As Christians should we not drink at all? Was I right to explain to her there is a responsible way to have a drink and an appropriate age as well? It just felt really wrong to tell her that. Yet, if I should choose to want to have a glass of wine, I don't want to feel like I have to hide it from her.....or feel guilty or feel like I will disappoint her. She told me she does not want me to drink wine. Ever! I told her, that was something I could not promise her. I know she was upset about it. But there is no way I was ready to say those words right then and there, only to have an instance pop up that is going to make me feel guilty for breaking a promise to her. On the other hand part of me wondered if maybe I was a good mother, I would have just made that promise to her and that be the end of the story. But then I don't even know if that's the solution either. Or is it?

Yummmmmmmmm

Well I finally got around to making this bread pudding recipe, Thanks Sara , that I had been dying to try. I thought today would be the perfect opportunity since we have to take a dessert to the LUAU tonight at our church house. VBS is over and we are throwing a party for the kids and their parents to just celebrate and give the parents an opportunity to see what their kids learned this week. Fun fun. The recipe was pretty enjoyable and easy to make and I love measuring and cutting and melting, and pouring. Baking and cooking are soooo relaxing to me AND the added bonus was that it made my entire house smell like vanilla. Like a mom and pop bakery shop. Anyhow, I did only slightly alter the recipe a bit ( sorry Sara. you will be so disappointed )because it called for Rum and I never did go to the liquor store. When searching for the butter flavoring I happened upon Rum extract. Seemed Easier and probably way less money. Will it be as tasty, probably not but it just worked out. What am I going to do with a bottle of left over rum anyway ya know? Well after baking the bread part and preparing the rum( extract) sauce it looked so yummy and I just could not wait to eat it. So I didn't! I dug in and served myself a tiny little bowl and sat there all alone with my bread pudding. I think it was a moment, a gift given to me by GOD. The house was quiet, girls were napping and I enjoyed every last bite. Heaven. Haha. OOOps. Sorry Luau, you'll have to be 1 dessert short tonight. I figured this is the kind of dessert that is better enjoyed HOT and right out of the oven. Mmmmm. So delicious. I know, I know, I feel a tad bit guilty for not having enough will power to wait but seriously I think this dessert is one that is better enjoyed, like I said before, Hot and fresh out of the oven. I even added a teeny tiny scoop of vanilla ice cream to it. So tasty! I will surely be making this again.

ps. I did not even feel "gross" after indulging in sweets today.

Bee sting? Ant Bite? Spider bite?

How do you know the difference between all these bug bites? Last night on our walk Bella was upset because she got tired of walking so she decided to just plop down in the middle of someones front yard. Gary and I keep walking because she already knew we were not going to carry her. She had the option to get in the jogging stroller but chose not to. So we kind of slowly keep walking and I tell her....."okay but the bugs might get you if you don't get up." So she keeps sitting there in the yard and all of a sudden we hear her scream....AHG!!!! THERE'S A BUG ON ME!!! She's freaking out and we are just thinking. DRAMA QUEEN! You would think she would get up and run to us, but No, she keeps sitting there screaming and crying. So I run to get her because, well, maybe there IS a bug on her and she is crying and holding her hand. She said a bug bit her on her hand. Hmm.....I check it out and all looks fine to me. So we keep walking and she finally calms down. Not for long though, but she got upset again for a whole other reason and I'm starting to realize I think we are entering the terrible 3's. I think the 3's are worse than the 2's. Oh Lord Please help me! Anyway, this morning I notice she has this bump on her middle finger and her finger is red and all swollen to her hand. She complains that her hand hurts and she keeps holiding it. Could she have been bitten by a spider or fire ant and having some kind of reaction? I googled ant bites and they say a fire ant bite can be pretty serious. She was stung by a bee before and the same thing happened. It got pretty swollen. How do you know if she's having an allergic reaction? The photo was taken after I gave her a tiny bit of benadryl and the redness and swelling did get a little better. Maybe I should just call her pediatrician.

Fast Food

I usually try to stay away from fast food joints. The places are almost always dirty and a breeding grounds for germs. The food is extremely unhealthy and I just don't care to eat all that grease. Today though Gary wanted to meet for a quick lunch and for some strange reason I choose Burger King since it was the closest thing. I can't remember the last time I even ate Burger King, it's been that long. I wish now, I had picked a different place. I am convinced now that fast food is poison. I ate a cheeseburger and french fries and drank a root beer! I feel so gross, it's making me sick. I feel like my taste buds are having seizures and my stomach is in turmoil, producing some very large gargling noises. I guess it's also freaking out trying to figure out what in the world I just put in there. I also feel like I can just feel all the grease seeping out of every pore in my body and I now have a headache. Am I loony? I am a bit obsessive about what I stay away from and I typically stay away from high fructose corn syrup, which was in my root beer and ketchup that I ate today and it's nearly driving me insane to know I put that stuff in my body. It's making me feel weird. What is wrong with me?? Why am I so obsessive about what I think I should stay away from? And most importantly what in the world would posses me to eat the meal I just ate. I feel like my body needs to be detoxified now. Yeah, I think I'm going to do that. That or just fast for the next 24/36/48 hours. Yes, this is the craziness that is me. Why can't I just be like normal people who eat and just go about their life?

Mission Accomplished

The past week I was consumed with a task I had been given. A task so daunting ,just because it was a lot of work, that I did not know how I would accomplish it. Yes, I was given the duty of decorating for our Church's first ever Vacation Bible School. Or for you seasoned church goers VBS! Actually I should not say I, but we. There was a decorating team of 4 women ( all though it ended up being 3) and we had to deck the place out to the Theme of Outrigger Island. I had to order all the decorations and make the place look islandy (not a real word I'm sure) and fun for the kids. It was so stressful for me because when I do something, I want to do it right. I want it to look good and I add all this pressure to myself that makes me not very fun to be around because it is so consuming and it zaps all my energy that I hardly have anything else to give. I don't do well with having a task that takes me away from my normal routine because I get so enthralled in it because I have to make sure everything turns out just right. That is not to say I don't enjoy it or that it was a nuisance. It gave me a great respect for women who work away from home or who juggle more than just being a stay home mom. This task was only made more complicated by the fact that we were on a super strict budget that was no where near what we needed to Island up the place. Let me say the money we were allotted did not buy very much and had we only had the decorations I purchased with that money the decorations would have been way less than spectacular. But the LORD is faithful and we were able to have a bunch of decorations donated from another Church in town that had their VBS a few weeks before and that was our life saver. We got palm trees, we got a volcano, we got posters and a huge beautiful hand painted picture that looked like the sun setting over the ocean that served as our backdrop. We got all kinds of stuff that made me feel like a child on Christmas day when I saw it all. So it was pretty much 4 days of hours and hours of tacking, cutting, improvising, hammering, taping, crumpling, sorting, hanging, gluing, stapling, and sweating! My fingers and fingertips never hurt so much before. The funny thing is that I actually enjoyed doing all of it, but I did feel guilty that it took up so much of my time and energy. It was a great relief to have gotten it all done because there were moments where I honestly thought there was just no way we would have it all finished in time. But we did and it was a wonderful feeling to accomplish a task given. Was I completely satisfied with the end product? NO, but that is just my nature to always feel like it could have been better, or I could have done more. I hardly ever feel what I do is good enough but I pray I did the best I could with what I was given and to see all the kids there today having fun and learning more about GODS truth and the Love he has for them. It made the task all the more fulfilling.


p.s oh and I could not have done this with out my wonderful hubby. That man can hang anything!

The Bachelorette

I am so completely invested in the Bachelorette. I know, I know that is one of the cheesiest shows on television and it almost always never works out. But I watch it. And I get so wrapped up in it, so much so that it is so painful to watch these guys get rejected. I'm brought to tears. Poor Jeremy. Oh man....I feel so silly. But I am way into it and I am on Team Jason all the way. I can't wait until next Monday to see the outcome, it's killing me! Yes, I am this goofy. Anyone else have any silly show favorites?

My sister Michelle

I don't know what I would do with out my sister in my life. She is the middle child and lived up to that stereotypical middle child wildness when we were younger. She was pretty mean....it's been said I was afraid of her when we were very little because she would bite me and she was the aggressive one. I guess very early on she established herself as the "Boss". Very little has changed since then regarding that......we are all still afraid of her and we all just do as she says. Ha! It's not usually the way of things but I looked up to her. Yeah she was the little sister but I still did. I was shy, and reserved and never stood up for myself. She was friendly and rebellious, and would tell you if you crossed her against her liking. Yeah...she was the fun one,she was the pretty one. I remember in middle school she had all the boys after her and she was also voted most beautiful at one point. That is so funny to think about now. Michelle, Michelle. We did not always get along or see eye to eye but what sisters are supposed to? It's a miracle her and I are both even alive today. I do remember a night where we wanted some candy really badly( I think it was candy) and we were home alone with a car parked in the driveway and the keys! I don't remember who's idea it was ( I'm going to say hers ) to take the car and drive it to the convenient store but I know we did and I know I did not have a drivers license but I know I drove! I remember almost crashing into a car that had stopped at a red light, but instead of crashing I guess I swerved to avoid hitting it. The weird thing was that there was no way possible I could have avoided hitting that car, but we did. I remember thinking it seemed as though we drove right through it....or it was like someone had picked up the car and had placed it in a way that it avoided a very dangerous scenario.. We were so lucky to have escaped that potentially bad situation with out a wreck, with out getting in serious trouble and with out my parents knowing because I don't think we ever told them.
I have so many memories with my sister. Sneaking out at night to go toilet paper some houses, Michelle spraining her ankle after running and jumping off a curb because we rang someones doorbell in the middle of the night and were running away as fast as we could, listening to Motley Crue in her bedroom and singing along to all the songs, her and her boyfriend visiting me when I lived in Dallas, her being there for me when I moved back from Dallas and was so depressed to have to be back at Home again. We've been through bad perms together, we've been through chubby stages together, crazy fashion trends, scary days, weddings, births, our whole life! We have been through lots and really are the only ones who know exactly all the hard times we had as kids and teenagers and what all those "hard times" did to us. Still I think we turned out okay. If it weren't for my sister I don't know what I would do. She is my sister and the closest thing I have to a best friend and she is the person I can relate to most. She has grown up to be such a strong woman. She has such great faith in the Lord and is so devoted to her family and she is a wonderful mother. I still look up to her in so many ways and she is as always as beautiful as ever. I love the beautiful, intricate bond that is Sisters. Thank GOD for sisters. Thank GOD she no longer bites me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE! I love you.