Nice Nice Baby

Christmas was nice. We hung out for a few days in Pittsburg, TX with Gary's family and we always look forward to visiting with them. They are so calm and laid back, the girls get to ride a little pony and that's always fun for them. They of course got way too much stuff so I put a few things away for now. They don't even realize it. I got lots of new books to read and some other cool stuff. I was turned on to a new video game, it's a sort of karaoke singing game and it has me wanting to buy the wii version which I guess is Rock Band. We'll see. I can't sing for nothing but it's fun to watch people nonetheless. Oh AND maybe the highlight of my christmas vacation was watching my husband offer up his rendition of Ice Ice Baby. Oh my goodness...it is priceless and it is all captured on video and boy if I knew how to get it from my video camera to the computer I would offer it to you for your viewing pleasure. I'm sure Gary wouldn't mind at all.
Word to your motha!

Blog Photo Tag

This is a picture of some girls from Church A LONG time ago at least 4 years but might be 5. In it is Tracy Y, Summer M, Nicole M, Hanna and Mason O, and me and Hannah who is super little. We were at some church function ( I don't remember what) but were helping Tracy Y grade some school papers. Wow we all look younger!

I was tagged by Sara W.
Instructions:

Go to the place where you store all of your pictures on your computer and open up the 4th folder
Open the 4th picture

Post the picture and give an explanation
Tag 4 people (or more if you wish... I couldn't stop at 4)

Not sure anyone else will do this but I tag:

Melanie B.
Sarah H.
Amanda G.
Summer M.

Random

I had such a crush on this guy back in the 90's. Him and Eddie Vedder...haha. I think he's even more attractive now because he has a daughter. I just love a man and his daughter.

Is that you Santa Claus

THEN: The first time I took Bella to see Santa she was horrified and would not go near him. She wanted nothing to do with it. So we had to put her on his chair and he snuck up right behind her and she had no idea he was there and we got the shot of them together. That was then.

NOW - This is now. She's practically giving Santa her life story. AND she went back a second time to show him how she dances.

Crazy roads

I've never made a great passenger. Ask Gary. I like to be in the drivers seat. I drive him crazy when he's driving because I am telling him exactly how he needs to be driving. Slow down, don't stop so fast, you need to turn faster....etc. He HATES it. But I feel like I am in the car, in the passenger side, maybe even the back seat, with no great control of where I am going. I surely feel like God is about to steer me down a path, I never intended to take. It's a great reminder to me that I am NOT in control here. I guess I should not be so surprised about this but that still does not make it any easier. A crash still hurts whether I'm the driver or not. A LOT! All the preparing we have done this past year to get us in to healthy financial practices still did not prepare us for a dramatic turn like this. I mean we're talking whiplash here. We thought we were on such a good route. GOD said DETOUR! Obviously roads can fork off in to many different directions, directions we weren't even looking in, directions we were not even given. Bumpy roads, scary roads, dark roads. Roads that look like they couldn't even be driven on. THEY CAN! There's an innumerable amount of roads out there. Hopefully, and this is what I pray, the roads we are being driven down have better destinations than the roads we thought we were travelling. Maybe I should not have my eyes so much on the destination but the actual driver instead and I don't mean having my eyes on him so I can bark orders at him either. I am obviously not the driver right now and so maybe I should have complete faith that the driver is not going to drive too crazy and that he knows where he is going and will get me where I need to be....safely. Thank you driver that we even have this car to be driven in, because other wise we'd be walking.

Never say Never

Last night I was lying in Bella's bed with her and we're doing our usual bed time routine. We prayed, I sang her 2 lullaby's and said our good nights and I love yous....you know all that cute stuff. Then she closes her pretty eyes and begins to drift of to sleepy land. Or so I thought. Then she says, " Mommy!!!, did you know that I NEVER ( and she emphasized never ) want to go away to college! I had to laugh because it was so out of the blue and I could tell she wanted to make sure I knew this. I'm thinking...what does she know about college? I mean we had not discussed college or talked about that any time recently. Well come to find out later when I was telling Gary about her comment, he laughed too ,and then told me that he was telling her that when she was older she would eventually go off to college and that we would pack her up a suit case and send her on her little way. As a 3 year old that has got to be a frightening thought. I mean at 3 your whole world revolves around your mommy and daddy and it's just not in her comprehension that at 18 years of age she is going to be so excited at the thought of going off to college. I mean I guess it's a bit presumptuous of me to assume she would be excited at that but typically it is the norm. But for all she knows now, she is 100% convinced that she wants no part of it. She then goes on to tell me that she wants to stay with me forever because she loves me so much. As she is telling me this she is clinching onto me for dear life. The unknown is scary. But because I know and understand that she is just too young to know what she's really saying I know that college is not scary. I mean it is but not like she is thinking it is. All she probably heard was that she will live somewhere else away from us and funny as it is....that is just horrific to her. I as her mother know that when that time comes in all reality it is going to be me that will be hanging on to her for dear life and she will already have one foot out that door. At 3 she does not realize yet that with college will come certain freedoms. Freedoms that at some time between now and then, she will have an intense desire for. And this proclamation that she NEVER wants to go away to college will someday be something for me to remind her about and laugh at and probably desperately try to hold her to.

Thank God she is just 3 and I don't have to worry about this for quite sometime but it just got me to thinking about things that I fear. Is it possible GOD could be saying......No, Monica don't be afraid of that. As he laughs.

Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree

OUR CHRISTMAS TREE


CLOSE UP

A POINSETTIA
Well I finally finished all my Christmas decorating. Of course the pics would look better at night all lit up but I did not take those pics. It was a lot of work getting my house Christmas ready. I did my living, kitchen, entryway, stairs and dining room. Thanks mom for all your help! The only thing that bothered me was that the color of my drapes interrupted the flow. I was going to ask Gary to take them down but he's quite grumpy at times and I did not want to ask him to do that. He was already frustrated with me for getting silver spray paint on the wood bench in the back yard. Oops! RELAX BABE......it will come out! I kind of went a little spray paint happy. I love spray paint and it's a cheap instant fix. Now I'm afraid I will want to leave the deco up all year. That should be fine right?

It's coming along

I have been so busy this week trying to get my house decorated for our Large Family Christmas Party that is being held at Casa de Clifton this Saturday. This is the first time I have ever really decorated for Christmas besides a Christmas tree. Man! It's a lot of work.....and an expense. Unfortunately my vision (as in what I wanted my house to look like) is quite larger than my budget so there is a large discrepancy. Hopefully tonight when Gary gets the tree set up.......(PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE babe set up the tree for me) that will tie it all together. It's going to have to do because I've just about done all I can. I STILL have not gotten that wave of holiday cheer that comes with the Holidays but I am trying to stay positive and not get overwhelmed. But I am. I am very overwhelmed. I can't wait until January when things can get back to normal. Next up will be the Church House decorations. I was supposed to get that done this week too but it looks like that is not happening. Sorry Church house, I know you are begging to be dressed in your holiday cheer too. How do I get into the spirit. What do people do? Do I need to listen to Christmas Music? That's kind of strange to do in 80 degree weather. How do people get into the spirit?? Maybe I'm trying too hard.

CHRISTMAS MANTLE

Past Week Happenings

- Had the in laws in town and went out to eat at the Salt Lick. I LOVE THAT PLACE!

- Bella got her ears pierced - I was not happy about this but her daddy told her she could. She looks really cute with her earrings. Hannah was too scared to do hers.

- Went to Hannahs' end of season soccer party. Parents VS Kids on the field = CRAZY!

- My mom gave me this really cool new scrabble board as an early Christmas present. Beat my husband in scrabble at least 3 or 4 times - then yesterday he FINALLY beat me. He was so happy. ( pst.....I let him win)

- Gary took the girls to see Bolt. They loved it and Hannah came home with her ears pierced! She looks cute too.

- Battled a Migraine. Pain. Throbbing. Agony. I got desperate and took a sample pill my doctor gave me a while back for migraines( I hate taking medicine) and it was gone! Hello Treximet. My new Hero.

- Played a self made Christmas CD while I prepared my contribution to the Thanksgiving meal. I still could not get into the holiday spirit but Bella had fun dancing around to the songs.

- Thanksgiving day!!!!!!!!! Yummy food. This is my favorite meal of the entire year. We had smoked turkey, ham, sweet potatoes, corn casserole, green beans, broccoli casserole, gravy and rolls! DELICIOUS. Then of course pumpkin and pecan pie.

- Back to reality. Gary went back to work today after being off a week. I really like when he's home. Now hopefully I can shed a few pounds so we can do all of this again for Christmas. I'm going to try to get into the spirit of the Holidays. I can't believe the year is almost over.

Say Cheese

I found Bella the best Christmas present that I think all children will want this year. Aren't they perfect? She will have the prettiest smile around and most importantly we don't have to worry about any more cavities. I'm such a brilliant mom. Let me know if you want some for you kids ( or you) because I am sure they will sell out FAST! Move over scooters and baby dolls I just know these are the next big things for kids.

Simplicity

I am at a serious loss for something to write about here....... Hmmm......think Monica, think! Things I guess are not all that exciting in the Clifton household. We're just chugging along here.....trying to ride the last few months of the year 2008. Not so sure I am looking forward to 2009. It's no secret that the economy is in shambles and it's finally hitting Gary's line of work. I guess things can't always be on the up and up and he has enjoyed almost 9 years on the up and up and sometimes things go down ya know. We're trying not to be too worried.....I mean we know whatever happens that we will be just fine but it is still scary to know that our only source of income is only guaranteed until the end of the year. They have had some MAJOR cutbacks in his company and his job is hanging on by the thinnest of threads. Scary. There are good things that come out of hard times though. Of this I am pretty sure. It's made me take a look at this upcoming season with conservative eyes and prompting me to devise a plan to get us through. Like take gift giving for example. I mean is giving gifts THE point of the holidays? No. Yet it seems that the Holidays have evolved into the season of gift giving. I bet 80 % of the stress of the holiday season could be eliminated if we got gift giving under control. I know I know it is good for the economy blah blah blah. Honestly though my kids don't need anything! They don't need more toys, or dolls, or games, or dress up clothes. They already have plenty. I know my nieces and nephews don't need any thing either. They all have so much already and so why add to the clutter of stuff they already have and don't play with. I think it would be so great if we used this Holiday season to focus on what it's really about and that is the birth of Jesus Christ. I was telling my mom last night that maybe this year we should try something different and not worry about buying presents for anyone in our family and just focus on celebrating and being thankful for what we already have. She just kept looking at me like I was speaking a foreign language. I might as well have been saying.....opwiefkmndvlkajrtolaisnvierytaienra.sgbieurvyha;sokdnmrweigroasfdnvasiuvyapi;gja;.

I don't know, this is just what has been laid upon my heart and with any extra money we have I feel it would be put to greater use if we just adopted a "needy" family to provide for so that they can have a meal to be thankful for. I assure you I am not being a scrooge....it's not about that at all. I usually love the holiday season but this year I am not looking forward to it because I know it's going to require all this shopping and getting so and so this gift and so and so that one. I'd love to make the theme to this years Holidays, "SIMPLICITY"and hopefully I can get that holiday sprit that usually starts next Thursday with the most delicious meal that I wait for all year. Anyway I guess I did have something to say after all...haha....even if it is all jumbled and unorganized. But then most of my thoughts are that way. I really do love the holidays.

Loser Mommy of the Century

I know a few fellow blogger friends of mine have blogged before about being a "loser" mommy. I thought today I would contribute my loser momminess to the world.....and if you ask me I think this far out does said mentioned blogger's loser mommy moments.

I am just beside myself today with an enormous weight of guilt on my heart. It pains me from the top of my head, all the way down to the tips of my toes. I mean of all the horrible things you can do to your kids, I think this is pretty much up there. I will never ever forgive myself for this and all though the entire weight of this is not ALL my fault. It is.

I took Bella to the dentist today and she has CAVITIES!!!! Cavities! Holes in her teeth. And not just 1 either. We're talking multiples here. This has got to be one of the most embarrassing things ever! I mean.....what 3 year old has cavities unless they pretty much sleep with a mouth full of sugar. She might as well have been doing that ya know? I was so heart broken, sad, depressed, guilt stricken. This is horrible.

Gary, he's like. "Oh it's not that big of a deal....there's nothing we can do about it now!" WHAT????? And this is the man that is in charge of brushing her teeth every night before bed time. Can you say FIRED! But I am not saying it's his fault because I admit sometimes in the rush of our morning routine, I sometimes forget to brush poor little innocent Bella's teeth. You might as well call CPS now and report our cruel parenting skills. Poor girl's parents don't take proper care of her poor little, what did they ever do to us, innocent baby teeth. I mean really......what kind of parent lets their child get multiple cavities by the time they are 3! Hannah did not have cavities at age 3 and I did not have a cavity until age 30. This is just beyond unacceptable to me. At this rate by the time she's 5 she's going to have a mouth full of stainless steel teeth.

So there....I am nominating or actually awarding my self for the Loser Mommy of the Century Award!
Shame, shame, shame on me.

Credit Cards - Not Always Bad

Out of boredome yesterday Bella and I went to the Outlet Mall. We are all in need of some new clothes and are fortunate enough to have a clothing budget for this month. I figured the best way to stretch our money would be to head to the Outlet Mall. First stop.....Banana Republic. They were having a pretty good sale, I might say. I found 3 tops that I liked....all at least 40% off! Deal! I got Gary his much loved boxers ( he will only wear Banana Republic boxers....SPOILED??) they were 5 for 20 bucks which is good because normally they can run like 9 dollars or more each. Anyway.....I was in there forever trying to make sure I was getting the best deals possible. I went to check out and the lady said they were having an extra 25% of your entire purchase if you were a Old Navy, Gap or Banana card holder. I just so happend to be and still had my card in my wallet all though it's been years since I have actually used it. But 25 % off is a great deal and then I can just turn around and pay the card right off! All this to say.....if you are in need of some clothing and are a card holder there it might be worth the trip. I paid 15 dollars total for 3 nice tops which I think is a super deal. I think I am going to go back for sure.....all though next time I think I will go alone. It's hard shopping with a 3 year old.

Confession

So I was led to get something out in the complete open about how my husband and I met. I decided today that I am not going to be embarrassed about this anymore. Okay....that was a bold face lie. I still will probably be embarrassed but here it goes anyway.

My husband and I met in a small group counseling session for people who have sex addictions.

Okay that was another bold face lie! Hahaha. No, seriously for those that don't know, Gary and I actually met on one of those matchmaker sites. Match dot com or matchmaker dot come....one of those. AND not only that.....it was me that made the first move. I sent him a message and the rest is history. I don't know what I was thinking, it was and still is completely out of my realm of behavior and I can only think that for some strange reason I was just compelled to do it. It's not something I had ever done and I got A LOT of flack from my family. Mainly from my brother in law who thought for sure I had gone crazy and was asking to get my self cut up into a million pieces and buried somewhere. As they say though, all is well that ends well and it surely did.

So there........it's no longer a secret I will hold close to my vest. You can pick on us now if you want.

Monday Morning Thoughts

I honestly can't believe that we are already in November. I do this every year......think about how the year just flew by and claim I don't know where it escaped to. It's crazy. It does not feel like it's about to be Thanksgiving again, or Christmas. The stores are already all decked out with rows of Christmas trees, ornaments, blow up Santa's and holiday wreaths. Again I say....crazy! Gary and I were looking forward to a nice get away this month but have decided to be wise with our money instead and save the getaway for our 5 year anniversary that is coming up in just a few short months. Speaking of anniversary, Gary surprised me with a bouquet of roses the other day celebrating the 7 year anniversary of the day we met. 7 Years! How we met is still so absolutely crazy, and I don't think most people even know that story. It's not something I particularly like to share. We used to joke around and say when anyone asks us how we met, let's just make us some crazy story and tell everyone something different. Haha. We dated for a year and then he proposed and even though I had sworn off marriage, he some how convinced me it would be a good idea. We were engaged for a year and then we got married. He was right. These last 7 years have been the best years of my 33. I love thinking about when we were dating..... we had some really wonderful times together and still continue to do so. A comfortableness has settled in between us. A comfort that is like home. I hope and pray we make it to our 50th anniversary! Almost 5 years down.....only 45 more to go. Do you think you can put up with me that long babe? Would you like to see me with grey hair and possibly no teeth? Maybe I can push you around in your wheel chair and help you with your dentures. I can comb your one strand of hair and make you your favorite mashed food. We can sit there on our porch and swing and think about our youthful past. We better enjoy this time now, huh?

Moving Forward

Well I can't believe it's finally over. I have been so invested in this election....I pretty much ate, slept, and breathed it. The last 15 or 16 months or so this election has pretty much been my life. It's all I read about....all I wanted to watch on TV and all I've listened to on the radio. I never in my life have been so "in" to something and at times it was emotionally draining and I felt like I might have post election traumatic stress syndrome but today I felt so at peace and relaxed and I am ready to move forward. All though I did not cast my vote for Obama, he is now going to be the President of the United States of America and I am going to be okay with that. I keep thinking about what an amazing thing he pulled off here. He made history last night. This had to feel good to him and his wife and to all the African American people in this country and I hope now they can put to rest any hatred or feelings of condemnation that they have for this country and for this country's past injustices against them . I hope Obama winning will set free in them what they need to have peace about their History. I mean I know that won't happen over night but maybe this can be the beginning for that. I hope to move past the notion that any one race is better than the other. I hope they no longer feel that it's the "white man" holding them down. If me saying that offends anyone.....sorry ,but right or wrong ,that's what I hope. I also hope and Pray Obama will take us in a positive direction and I hope this country can be united and I am going to give him a chance and be supportive of him(meaning you won't hear me trashing him like the democrats did to Bush) and I am going to think positive. I'm going to pray for him and place my trust in GOD that everything happens just as it should. Even though this blog might make my husband call me an Obama Lover.....I'm not. I just think he deserves a chance. I feel like this is a new beginning and I am happy to say.......
I'm moving forward.

It's gone

What's that you ask? Well.....it's the little metal stakes that came with our McCain/Palin yard sign. Notice anything strange? Like maybe ......um the McCain/Palin sign is not on it. Missing maybe? Well I can't say missing....because that could perhaps imply we misplaced it. So no, it's not missing. And no we did not change our minds at the last minute and decide to vote for Barack Obama and therefor took it off. Nope....not that. What? Stolen? You think? Noooooooooooooooooooooo

Maybe it just blew away with the heavy winds last night. Yeah it has to be that. I wonder if this is a sign. Haha....no pun intended. A foreshadowing of tomorrow.

Bah Humbug

Oh wait......that's scrooge and he hates Christmas. Not Halloween. I really dislike Halloween. I am not one of those people that thinks it's evil or that you should not take your kids out for candy or celebrate it because it's celebrating the dead. I mean....for me, as a kid, it was never about that and I am sure my parents were not about celebrating the dead either but we did go trick or treating as kids. I don't think I knew the true meaning of Halloween until I was like 30...well maybe I was not that old. Does that make it okay? I have no idea and I really don't care. I think it has evolved into a past time and something for kids to do and so I don't see any harm in it. Well that's not fully true.....I mean if you were invoking spirits and calling out and praying to the dead or bringing out the Ouija board, then yes.....I would have to say that is going to a dark place with it but to each their own right? I don't know.....maybe it is wrong but I don't have time to go off on that tangent. For me it's not about that............but I digress.

So Halloween.......I really dislike this day. I really just prefer my kids to stay home. Call me a downer, or call me lame, it's just a big nuisance to me. You have to find costumes for your kids and spend at least 20 bucks per costume on something that they will probably only wear one time and they wear it for about one hour and then it's never seen again. Then you have to buy all this candy to give out to crazy kids who are already hyper enough and surely don't need more sugar. Then you have to deal with rude little kids who complain when you don't have the cool candy or whine when you don't give them enough (so they stick their grubby hands in the bowl and grab what they see as fit) or when they have some smart aleck comment about the candy or whatever.......I just want to say to them, " Just be thankful I gave you some.....PUNK!" Just kidding. I would never say that to a child.

Then you have to deal with all the CANDY! If there is any left over I usually eat it all up myself because I don't want to throw it away. Then we have to sift through the bags of candy that the girls will bring home and here comes the hard part. Making them pick only a few pieces out that they can keep since they both will have probably eaten about 20 pieces already and telling them the rest is going to go in the trash. Maybe this year we will tell them we have to give it away to all the little kids that did not get to go trick or treating and maybe they will be okay with it since there is so much talk these days about "redistributing"..... you know taking from those that have and giving to those that don't. Oh.....that was tacky wasn't it??? So.........really the "poor kids" or the "trash" in this scenario will end up being Gary and me and again we will eat up all this candy between the two of us until I literally get sick and throw it in the garbage. And I will be 3 pounds heavier.

So I hope I can lighten up by tomorrow and not be such a Debbie Downer about something that maybe should just be fun for the girls. I hope Bella does not get scared of all the costumes out there because she does not like scary things. She gets pretty terrified......hopefully Gary will get out of work early enough to take them before the older kids get out. Since I was so dreading tomorrow I waited until the last minute to get Hannah a costume and everything was picked over but she set her eyes on a monster bride costume and just had to have it! Oh goodness. That child has a natural tendency towards all things her mommy does not like. Why not a cute cat or a princess or a cheerleader? Those don't appeal to her. So against my better judgement I am letting her dress up like a monster bride. People will probably think I let my kids worship the devil. Haha. Bella is going to be Cinderella.....no wait she's going to be Snow White, no wait she's going to be Princess Alexa...........It's changed about 84 times and today at Target she decided she wanted to be a kitty princess after she said she wanted to be Sleeping Beauty. So we shall see. Maybe I should dress up as a Goth Chic Mother of the Monster Bride. Put on really pale makeup and dark black lipstick and line my eyes with the darkest eyeliner I can find and part my hair down the middle and wear it long and straight. I think that would mortify my kids or at least embarass Hannah. Hmmm.... maybe it's not such a bad idea. Anyone dressing up? Your kids?

Jackolanterns

These are the "pumkims"the girls carved this year. Well, they did not carve them they just played with the insides of these monstrous gourds. My talented husband lent his hand for the carving. Good Job Babe!

You know you're tired when.......

You just lay down, where you are,on the carpeted floor and fall right asleep. I was busy doing things for about 2 minutes and this is how I found her. Now that must be TIRED!

"Cat"astrophe

Oh man did I have some craziness going on this morning. While not a real catastrophe, it could have been and I would have been all to blame. I would have had to have been admitted to a mental ward because what "could have happened" would have been something I could not have coped with. Here's what happened and sorry but I can not tell it with few words.

This morning my mom arrived at my house and 2 cute dogs followed her to my front door. They were friendly, they were cute and I pet one of them and just shut the door thinking they would be on their merry way. Well my cat pongo saw them and was glued to the window starring at them and they starring at him as well. Awww.....cute. Pongo hissed at them.....you know he did his cat thing and they just looked at him like he was the cutest thing they ever saw. Never did I think the dogs were thinking.....kill, kill, kill. I honestly thought it was cute and sweet.....then I was on my merry way. Well then it was time for my sister to leave......and the dogs were still there at my window. I figured they had gotten out of their yard and probably just wanted to be at home and they saw people and just decided we would know what to do with them. I noticed they had tags so surely I could just get the number and call their owners. Before I opened the door I decided I should put the cat in the laundry room so he would not freak out about the dogs. Great........cat is put up nothing can go wrong...right? My sister walks out to her car to put her son in his seat and I pet the dogs and try to get the number off the tags....but I'm not having any luck because the dog gets excited and want to play I guess. So I figure I'll just put them in my back yard until I can get the number and the owners can come get them. Someone did that for me one time when our dog Sophie got out so in my mind I feel like I am doing a nice thing here. So............ la di da........here goes sweet kind hearted me(in retrospect I now see it was stupid me) I bring these 2 dogs in my house, BIG MISTAKE, and they immediately go berserk! I mean they just went nuts. They started running around my living room and kitchen in circles over and over and over and one was running one way and the other was running the other way so I just quickly tried to open the back door and hoped I could get them to run outside. I finally get one of them out there meanwhile the other one is just running around like a mad dog inside and my mom is yelling at it I'm just trying to keep the other dog from coming back in and keeping the door open hoping that the lunatic one inside might still run outside. It was chaos! Finally I said forget this, get these freak dogs out of here, to heck with trying to do a nice thing. So the other one runs back in and meets up with his partner in crime and I look over and THE LAUNDRY ROOM DOOR IS OPENED!. Bella has opened the laundry room door in all this chaos and Pongo is in there and that is exactly where both dogs run to. I ran in there because I just could see this turning from bad to worse and my immediate reaction is just to grab Bella because she is standing in there when the dogs ran in there and started trying to kill the cat. I mean thank God She was not holding the cat because those dogs would have been all over her as well as Pongo probably clawing her to death. Of course I would not have those thoughts until it was all said and done. So I grabbed Bella and just ran out of there with her all the while knowing those dogs were just going to tear my cat to shreds! I mean it was honestly horrific. I put Bella down and ran back to try to get the dogs away from my cat and at this point they had chased him into our guest bedroom. I go in there and these 2 dogs are chasing the cat all around the room. You know those silly kid cartoons where a dog is chasing a cat and it's just running and running and running in circles all over a room. It was like that......but scarier. The cat tries to escape these monstrosities by clawing up the blinds....no luck. He was literally trying to climb up the walls....of course to no avail. He tries to climb up this tree I have in there. Not happening. He finally just runs under the bed but so do these dogs and they are all under there and you can just hear the cat crying, pleading for help. My Brave mother tries to jump in there and grab the cat and my sister and I are yelling at her to not do that because she might get bit or scratched......which she does. But bless her heart.....she was trying to rescue my poor cat. She's brave....those dogs turned vicious! Also thank GOD for my sister she came back in to try to help us and managed to get one of the dogs under her foot and against the wall near the bed and was able to hold him down while I worked on the other one. I was finally able to grab one by the collar and was trying to get him out but he was so strong he pulled his head out of his collar and it slipped off. So then I go get a broom.....and just start poking at this dog until it finally gets out of there and outside of my house and then I really forgot how the second one finally gets out. Talk about traumatic. And this all happened so fast. All 3 of us were literally left shaking. Pongo, I'm not even sure if he's alive because at one point I know they had him by the neck and several times had taken bites at him. Chunks of fur were laying everywhere. One of the dogs had blood all on his leg and one dog had pooped on my carpet because my sister was standing so hard on him to keep him pinned down. I have to say she was brave too.

After this was all finally over and done I was just trying to put it all together. What happened? What went so wrong. I really beat myself up because ultimately it was my fault. I should have never let 2 dogs in my house no matter how sweet they looked. And not only that my mind wanders to what could have happened. Just thinking about how Bella could so easily have been hurt with those 2 wild dogs and scared cat running all around her. There is just no way I could live with myself if a poor choice of mine resulted in her injury. I just have to thank GOD that she was not attacked and all though it was upsetting to see my cat get attacked like that.....at least it was not her. We are all okay. And so is Pongo. He is severely shaken up. Understandably so.....he was a bit bloody but I think he bit the dog on his leg and that is where the blood came from. I don't see any lacerations or puncture wounds. He does have a bunch of matted fur that was left crisp by the dogs saliva. He is a bit languid but I guess that's to be expected after being bullied by two ferocious dogs. He is scared and reluctant but I hope he is not permanently traumatized and maybe when he wakes from his nap he will have thought it was all a bad dream.

I have never in my life been in a position where something that crazy has happened and I guess adrenaline kicks in and you just do what you gotta do but afterwards I was in tears and exhausted. More mentally so than physically. I will never again in my life trust another animal that is not my own.

Poor Pongo.

The nerd in me

I have been watching the Presidential biographies as they have aired on PBS. Thank God for the DVR! I love this stuff....and can't get enough. I just finished Ronald Reagan's and I have to say I completely admire him (and his wife) and I will probably regret saying this but I really think in time that President Bush's time in the white house might be looked back on a bit more favorably than we think. I know I know nobody wants to hear about politics and especially what a lowly housewife has to say on the matter but all this History and politics fascinates me. Next up is the Life and Presidency of Jimmy Carter. I don't much care for him but I am still going to watch it and after his will be Nixon! I can't wait to watch that one. So I will just throw this out there now......Sisters, mom, dad, Gary......if you are just scratching your minds this year with wonder of what to get me for Christmas, you can't go wrong getting me books about History or Politics or for that matter C.S Lewis, all though I realize his writings are completely unrelated to politics. So there......the nerd in me just had to get that out. I don't care that it's known now because I am sure it's not all that surprising....I've pretty much been a nerd my whole life. It does make me wonder what other peoples nerdy indulgences are? Or am I the only nerd in existence? Before you answer that, realize it's a rhetorical question.

I'm off to early vote.

A word from Dave Ramsey

YOU Fix You:

What it takes for us all to overcome the crazy economy
By and large, 70% to 90% of you wanted something to be done to calm the economy, but you didn't want $700 billion in new debt to bail out Wall Street. The stock market has had record declines since then. What's going on?

You need to remember that you need to take control of your life.

It's disturbing that people in government totally disregard what their constituents tell them to do. It's disturbing that the market goes down and the media panics about this. It's disturbing that greedy banks made horrible, high-interest loans to people who couldn't afford to repay, and broke people signed up for the loan and cried when they couldn't afford it - like someone did something to them. It's disturbing that arrogant people in Washington ignore their constituents and takes huge strides toward socialism.

All of these things are disturbing, but none will cause this great nation to cease to function. None of these things are the seeds to the beginning of the end. You're okay. We're going to be fine.

But the most disturbing thing is some people's reactions.

Don't react based on fear or panic. Another negative reaction is that you are looking to Washington to fix your problems. Why would you do that? They have never fixed your problems, and you want Obama or McCain to fix things. That's ridiculous; there has never been a president who can fix your problems. They always say they can and they never can.

At what point did Bill Clinton fix any of your problems? At what point did he cause you to prosper? At what point did George Bush end your career or cause you to prosper? When did Ronald Reagan fix your problems?

When you look to Washington to solve your problems, we've got the seeds to destroy this country. It's time for YOU to change YOUR life.

There was a sweet 43-year-old lady making $15,000 a year who called me asking what Congress was going to do to help her. My answer to her was "Nothing. It's not their job. It's your job to read a book or take a class to get better so you can make more. Why have you accepted this as your lot in life? Why are you sitting around waiting on Congress or president to fix your life?"

It's not Washington's job to fix what's going on with you. If you are waiting on Washington to change something, you've got a long freakin' wait! It is YOUR job to take care of you. Don't sit around and watch TV and panic and think you can't do anything. I've made and lost money, and every bit of that had to do with me being smart and diligent or stupid.

Quit blaming Congress or looking to them to fix you. YOU have to fix you! When you wait on the government to fix your life and wait for money to be taken from others and given to you, that's a spirit of envy, and it's wrong. The only system that works is capitalism functioning under moral restraint.

Get some moral restraint, become a capitalist, and go be somebody!

That thing we call LOVE

Is love a feeling an emotion, or action? Webster defines love as (Noun) (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b: an assurance of love . Yet also as a Verb - 1: to hold dear : cherish. The Latin word for love is lubēre or libēre which means to please. To please is an action. For me the word Love has changed meaning over the course of my life time. I use the word too loosely sometimes....I say I love shoes, I love mexican food. But does that really make sense? How do you love Mexican food?? I now believe Love is something you do, not something you feel but there are many people out there that would argue that point. Some people say that love is only a feeling, actions and words are just refection of how you feel. Could make sense right?? Or does it? Could a successful marriage survive on how you feel? Feelings are not always reliable and they do and will change from day to day. Love can't change. Love is what it is. So then Love becomes a choice. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is 1 Corinthians 13. You know, the one about Love, Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant....etc. All those descriptions of love are actions. Even more interesting to me is that the word LOVE in that passage used to be the word Charity in The King James Version. Charity. So Charity is also Love. Again an action. I don't know....what do you think?? Can we tell people we Love them? Or do we just have to do it? I don't know....what do you think?

My perfect day

I am so ready to get my house the way I want it to look. We have been in it for 8 months now and we have yet to do any remodelling that we had talked about when we bought the house, except for the painting and carpet. All that stands in my way is that thing we call money and since we don't buy anything we don't have the money at hand for.....this is seriously delaying my gratification. HUMPH! Oh maybe this is the time of year I get to pine for something I want and can't have or I should say that I can't have yet! Patience. Patience. Patience. If I had the means, this is how I would be spending my day.

1. Installing new light fixtures in the entrance, dining room, breakfast room and all bathrooms and hanging new ceiling fans.
2. Redoing the cabinets, back splash,counter tops and tile in the kitchen.
3. Replacing ALL the door handles in the house.
4. Tiling the entrance, dining room and part of the living room.
5. Re tiling ALL bathrooms.
6. Replacing all the faucets and shower heads in the entire house.
7. Adding some major shelves and cabinets in the laundry room and making it a sort of mud room type room.
8. Custom building an entire wall entertainment system for our living room.

Then I would finish my day with a trip to Wimberly, Pottery Barn, Crate&Barrel, Hobby Lobby,Pier One, and some fabric stores to buy all the finishing touches to decorate the entire place to my liking.


A girl can dream right?

Take me to another Place

Gary and I are in the beginning stages of planning a little mini vacation. ALONE! We figure the girls are more than happy to go hang out at Grandmamas for a few days and they should be fine.....Bella is a big girl know ya know. Since they live pretty close to the TX - AR border we figured it would be nice to take a little road trip somewhere. Drive through a few states. TN is sounding pretty nice.....we could visit the home of Elvis even though neither one of us are really a fan, but do you have to be a fanatic to want to visit Graceland? I know..."Love me tender, love me blue" and "You ain't nothing but a hound dog". Plus I bet TN is brilliant in the Fall and there's nothing more romantic to me than October. Oh wait....this will be in November... Oh well whatever we can make November romantic too. Gary and I have always had such fantastic travels together and I am getting so excited just thinking about it. Yeah I think TN is sounding rather nice. Anyone ever been there?

Oh Dear

Let the egging begin. I am so afraid that if we put McCain/Palin signs in our yard or stickers on our cars that we might be subjected to some seething hatred. I kid you not, it's almost better to be a terrorist these days than it is to be a Republican. At least people want the terrorists to be treated fairly and their rights need to be respected. Gary ordered these signs and stickers right after the VP was announced and I was kind of glad it was taking a long time for them to get here.....but they came and there he is......proudly displaying his candidate of choice. I give it a day before that sign disappears.

Sunday "whine"

My head hurts really bad and I have not felt like myself for the last week or so. I have this constant jitter about my body and so mama saw the doctor and the doctor said it's all in my head and to quit taking the 2 medicines that keep me functioning day to day because that's probably causing the shakes and so now not only are my allergies bugging me and my head pounds but I am dangerously tired AND I'm still jittery! It makes no sense to me and I am loosing my confidence in the medical profession and also did not realize that a process of elimination on top of a waiting game is a diagnosis. So needless to say I am no happy camper with jitters and a shake blended with a headache and I am sure you would like to offer me a little cheese with my "whine" and yes I realize there are starving kids in Africa who just wish they had some bread and my uncomfortablness pales in comparrison to them but I am still going to whine with everything anyway and blame it all on George Bush. Okay there....now I will fix my attitude!

Mothers day and Madonna

First day at Mothers day out didn't go as planned. Bella cried, I got a shot of guilt, she sat and pouted on her lady bug carpet. As I watched through the window 30 minutes went by and she still refused to participate in class and sat there with her long face hanging down while little frogs in ballerina slippers hopped around her. It took all the strength I had to leave because what I really wanted to do was go scoop her up in my arms and take her home to play candy land....which by the way she cheats at. But all is well that ends well. She ended up having a fun day and she loved her gymnastics class and claims she can't wait to go back. The last "Baby" strings have been cut.
AND
On a completely different note, this morning in the car on the way to school my morning am station was at commercial so I turned on the fm radio. I rarely have on FM radio....I don't care for their morning shows and commercials but anyway HOLIDAY by Madonna was on and so I listened to it for a few seconds. I glance back at Hannah and say, "Don't you like Madonna's old music?" She gave me a slightly confused look and said, " Who's Madonna?"
I thought that was hilarious. I sometimes forget Hannah was not around back in the day.

Fall Desire

I love the Fall for many many reasons but one of my favorite things is that it means I get to buy my new Fall shoes. I love buying new shoes and I am getting really excited about making a few purchases. Sunday my sister and I stole a few hours of time away from our families and had some "girly" time. We had a great lunch at Nordstrom Cafe and afterwards indulged in some white chocolate bread pudding for dessert. It was so delicious. Then we were off to look around at shoes and clothes and parfume. I don't think you can appreciate this kind of alone browsing time unless you have children because it was so nice to be able to look around with out having to push a stroller or stop to wipe off my childs nose or get them a drink or hand them their snack. It was extremely nice and relaxing even though it does kind of feel like something is missing. Oh wait.....something was missing but they were safe at home with their Papa. I found several shoes that caught my eye that I thought were just too cute and priced just right but if I'm lucky maybe I'll catch them on SALE! I was such a good girl....I refrained from making any purchases...you know I did not want to have too much fun. That would have made me feel way too guilty. I feel much better purchasing something when I have to do it in chaos.....meaning with the kids around whining, fighting, and generally driving me crazy. It makes me feel like I worked harder for what ever it is I want to buy and like I deserve it more. Here are a few objects of my desire.




And these were the ones just from Nordstrom! Why do shoes have to be so appealing?

Conversations with Bella

This is how typical conversation are going these days with Bella.


Me: Put on your shoes Bella we have to go to the store.
Bella: Why?
Me: Because we need groceries.
Bella: Why?
Me: Because we have to eat.
Bella: Why?
Me: Because if we don't eat we might get really sick.
Bella: Why?
Me: Because that's how we survive....on food. Now put on your shoes please.
Bella: Why?
Me: Because you can't go barefooted in the store.
Bella: Why?
Me: Because you're feet will get all dirty or you might step on nasty stuff.
Bella: Why?
Me: Because sometimes people throw stuff on the floor.
Bella: Why?
Me: Because they are not making good choices.
Bella: Why?
Me: Ummm because maybe their mommy did not teach them to not litter.
Bella: Why?
Me: I DON'T KNOW WHY......JUST BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bella: Why?
Me: Because mommy's don't know EVERYTHING!
Bella: Why?
Me: Because only God knows everything.
Bella: Why?
Me: Because that's how he wanted it.
Bella: Why?
Me: Because he's the boss
Bella: Why?
Me Because that's just how things are.
Bella: Why?


I've realized these conversations always seem to end with "Because that's just how God made things!!!"

But Why?????

MIKE HUCKABEE FOR PRESIDENT

I know he's already out of the race but everything he says makes 100% sense to me. If you follow the happenings of this nation you have heard about the Financial Fiasco going on. Here is Huckabee's blog if you care.

Bailing on Our Principles
by Governor Mike Huckabee

Frankly, I'm disappointed and disgusted with my own Republican party as I watch them attempt to strong-arm a bailout of some of America's biggest corporations by asking the taxpayers to suck up the staggering results of the hubris, greed, and arrogance of those who sought to make a quick buck by throwing the dice. They lost, but want the rest of us to cover their bets so they won't be effected in their lavish lifestyles as they figure out how to spend their tens of millions and in some cases, hundreds of millions in bonuses and compensation which was their reward for not only sinking their companies, but basically doing the same to the entire American economy.

It's especially disconcerting to see the very people who pilloried me during the Presidential campaign for being a "populist" and not "understanding Wall Street" to now line up like thirsty dogs at the Washington, D. C. water dish, otherwise known as Congress, and plead for help. I thought these guys were the smartest people in America! I thought that taxpayers like you and I were similar to the people at the U. N. who have no translator speaking into their headset - that we just needed to trust those that I called the power bunch in the "Wall Street to Washington axis of power."

The idea of a government bailout in which we'd entrust $700 billion to one man without Congressional oversight or accountability is absurd. My party or not, that is insanity and I believe unconstitutional.

Will there be far-reaching consequences without some intervention? Probably, but we honestly don't know since we've really never seen this level of greed and stupidity all rolled into one massive move. But may I suggest that letting "Uncle Sugar" step in and bail out the billionaires who made the mess will be far worse and will start a long line of companies and individuals who will demand the same of the government---which last time I checked means that they will be demanding it out of YOU and ME. This is not money that Congress is risking from THEIR pockets or future, but ours. Many if not most of us have already experienced lost value on our homes, retirement accounts, and pensions. Now they'd like for us to assume some further risks so they won't have to.

What happened to the "free market" idea? Is that only our view when we WIN and when we LOSE, we ask the government to come in and take away the pain?

If you are a small business owner, is this the way it works at your place? When you have a bad month, a bad year, or face having to close, can you go up to Congress and get them to write YOU a fat check to take away your risk?

Some of what contributed to this disaster is too much government in the form of Sarbanes/Oxley. Some is due to the tax structure that created the hunger for companies to "game" the system. Some is the common sense that was ignored like loaning money to people who can't pay it back.

Wall Street has become Las Vegas east, but at least in Vegas, people KNOW they are gambling and they don't expect the government to cover their losses at the tables. In Wall Street, they do. And the American taxpayer burdens the responsibility.

If Congress wants to do something, here are some suggestions:

1. Eliminate ALL capital gains taxes and taxes on savings and dividends right now. Free up the capital and encourage investment. This is the kind of economic stimulus the Fair Tax would bring and if Congress is going to lose money, let them lose it with lower taxes, not with public dollar bailouts of private market mistakes.

2. Repeal Sarbanes/Oxley. It has failed. It was supposed to prevent this. It didn't. Kill it.

3. Demand that the executives who steered their ships into the ground be forced to pay back the losses of their companies. Of course, they can't, so let them work and give back to the government and they can live like the people they put on the streets or kept there. It makes no sense to put them in jail—that's just more they will cost you and me. I'd rather them go out and earn money—just not get to keep so much of it this time. I'm not talking about limiting CEO salaries---just those of the people who now are up in Washington begging for help because they ruined their companies.

Attempts by Democrats and Republicans to blame each other is nonsense. They are both guilty and ought to own up and admit it. They all lived off big campaign contributions and the swill of the lobbyists who strong armed them into permission to steal. Enough of blame. Fix it!


This would be a start. If we don't hold these guys responsible, we are all finished!

Walk the line

This weekend Hannah had her 1st soccer game with this new Academy League she's playing on. She has been playing soccer since she was 5 so this is going on her 3rd year and she has played every season. It's wonderful to see the skills she has acquired and also the knowledge and understanding of the game. She's a pretty smart girl and she claims she really loves playing. But she can be a bit of a thinker and I'm wondering if that interferes with her being able to just instinctively play. I am not quite sure how to go about motivating her to be the best she can and to give her 100% in all that she does. I find my self watching her play and getting frustrated because it seems to me that she is not giving her best. I think she can do better. After her game she asked me if I thought she played well. I did not want to lie and say,"Oh yes Honey you played so well" when I really think she did not. And on the flip side I did not want to crush her little spirit and say, " well I really don't think you gave it your best". I don't know how to let her know I think she could be trying harder with our her getting discouraged especially if she feels like she gave it her all. There's playing well and there's playing your best. In the past if I have ever tried to give her some constructive criticism she gets extremely defensive and whines that I don't think she is good enough. If I ever suggest that she needs to be practicing more she gets upset and says I am suggesting that she does not know how to play and she already knows how to play so why should she practice. She thinks she knows it all and she thinks she is good enough already when in reality it isn't quite so. To be really good at something it takes practice and more practice and I can't seem to make her understand that with out her getting extremely upset. So I'm wondering if I should just spend some time telling her that she is playing really well ( even if she isn't) just to build up her confidence and hope that from that confidence her improvement will be manifest. Or would that backfire and actually cause her to have this false confidence and therefor believe even more that she does not need to improve. I don't know. Everything with Hannah is always a lot of work and a lot of mental exhaustion. There is this extremely fine line that has to be tiptoed on when dealing with her and if you tiptoe ever so slightly on the wrong side of that fine line it results in some major drama and melt downs. I try very hard to avoid drama and melt downs.....I don't do well with those. I just want to be a good encourager to her and help her live up to her potential because she has a lot of it. I don't expect perfection( well maybe I do a little) but I expect her to give 100%. Is that wrong?

Fast Friends

I'm holding both of them in my arms. Sweet.

Kitty's, Ballet, and Bed Head

So we have a new family member. Meet Prince Pongo! Bella named him..... and trust me we all tried to talk her out of that name but to no avail. She was set on Pongo.....I think I added the prince part. She's been asking for an orange kitty for quite a while and her wish was finally granted on her birthday! Thanks Papa ( who swore up and down we would NEVER ever ever ever have a cat in this house) He's such a sweet Papa.



Bella had her trial ballet class today. They wanted to see if she was going to be okay being left off somewhere since she really is not used to that other than at church on Sundays. I was looking for mothers day out programs and settled on Jackie's dance and gymnastics. We will start out once a week and she will go from 9-12 and they will do 45 minutes of ballet, 45 minutes of tap, and 45 minutes of gymnastics. They also have snack time and arts and crafts time as well. She did so well( she did not even cry) and just went right in so I can tell she is ready and she had so much fun. I got to watch through glass that you can see in but not out of. It was so adorable. I was a proud mama.

Bella also transitioned to sleeping in her room like a big girl. Gary was closer to being right than I was. I anticipated a lot more crying and tears but she only cried a little bit both nights but only because she wanted me to lay down with her and not her Papa. She was so proud of her self this morning when I came to wake her. I can't believe my baby is no longer a baby. Here is what she looked like when she woke up this morning. Can you say MAJOR BEAD HEAD.

It's time

Oh dear.....I am not looking forward to tonight. Bella has turned 3 and so it is time for her to start sleeping in her own bed in her own room like a big girl. We have been talking to her about this for quite a while now so it's not like it's coming as a surprise. Gary, being the eternal optimist (unrealist if you ask me) thinks we will tell her it's bed time and she will get in her bed, she will get a bed time story and we will walk out of her room and she will drift peacefully to sleep. I, being the realist (pessimist if you ask Gary) know it is going to be way more difficult than that. I pray that Gary is right but that is such a rarity, because I usually am (right babe?) but I guess miracles can happen. He has been right maybe 2 times before!! When I bring up that she will be sleeping in her bed tonight she quickly states that she is not big enough yet and she has to be 4 first. Funny little girl. I am not strong when she turns on her tears...I can't stand the thought of her crying....and I am pretty sure we will be hearing, "But I am soooo sad" and "I am soooo Upset" amongst the tears so I'm nervous.

Party day

Well everything turned out nice for Bella's 3rd birthday party. We had grandparents, aunts&uncles, and cousins over. I was so proud of myself for making Bella's cake even though it ended up taking me way longer than I thought it would. I probably would have made many mistakes had I not had the assistance of my wonderful mother in law there to ask questions and help me along the way. She was tremendous! I very much enjoyed the process from start to finish and the only real visible flaw was that you could see the line where the 2 cakes were put together and I was a little disappointed that I was not able to use the Princess Genevieve doll I had wanted to. Her legs were not removable so we just used an old barbie and put Genevieve's clothes on her. Thankfully it did not seem to bother Bella. She loved it!

BELLA

First let me say you probably should not read this if you are pregnant or if you do not have children, or if you are squeamish about birth! Proceed with extra caution.
*************************************************************************************
Wow.....well 3 years ago today I was in Labor at this very moment. I guess about 12:30 am I woke up with contractions but was not really sure if they were real contractions or not....I went to the bathroom and got back in bed and could not go back to sleep for the rest of the night. Around 3 am I was still having the contractions and they were pretty regular but not too painful. I had a 8:30 Dr.apt that morning so figured I would just let the Dr. know what was going on and then go from there. I was already 8 days overdue so I was pretty sure this was it. The Dr. examined me and I was just about 1 cm dilated but she hooked me up to a monitoring machine to see if she could see what the contractions were doing.....and sure enough they were coming every 5 minutes or so and she was sure I was in Labor and wanted me to go straight to the hospital. Ummm.....not so fast. I had not even eaten breakfast so I asked if it was okay to go grab some breakfast and then go to the hospital after that. She did not like the idea but reluctantly obliged. I mean come on.....who can tell a pregnant women no. So my mom, Gary and I went and had a delicious breakfast at La Madeleine all the while wearing our nerves. I had a doula who advised me to take my time as much as I could because she did not want me to do too much early labor at the hospital. She claimed the less time you're there the better. I agreed! So we took our time and I think we finally made it to the hospital and checked in around 11:30. They of course wanted to check everything out...blood pressure, baby's heart beat, my blood pressure ...you know all that good stuff. I was at a 3.5 cm and Bellas heart tones were nice and strong as they should be. I was adamant that I did not want to be confined to the bed hooked up to the iv and monitors and such. They did not really like my way of doing things but ultimately let me do it how I wanted. I was not trying to be difficult I just had an exact vision of how I wanted things and knew I did not want to have a typical assembly line birth where everything is done so matter of fact and to accommodate the staff. I was the one in control here. I wanted the freedom to walk around, to use my birthing ball,to slow dance to my cd's I made with Gary or to get in the shower if I wanted. I bet they hate women like me. Oh well! My doula, Gary and I walked the halls of the hospital and did some kind of exercises that are supposed to help bring the Baby down where she needs to be. We're relaxed and just doing different things to pass the time all the while, I'm having contractions about every 3 minutes and they were lasting about 30-45 seconds but they were getting stronger and stronger! Some so strong, I would have to stop and hold real still until it passed. We used the shower, she sprayed warm water on my back....I was having some serious back pain, we used the birthing ball for a while and around 3:30 or so they wanted to check progress again.....I had only dilated to a 5 cm which was a little discouraging to me because I was really starting to be in severe pain and had hoped for a quick Labor than was happening. I had Hannah only 4 hours after arriving at the hospital and this was going on 4 hours and I had expected it to be the same, if not faster. My doctor and doula both knew for sure that I would have her fast so this whole time, that's what I had in my mind. Well it was not going as I thought and I started to get a little discouraged but did not really let that show too much. I just kept doing what my doula and Dr. said to do....and that meant who knows how many more hours of Labor. 2 more long, painful hours went by and around 6:30 my water broke. I was using the birthing ball when that happened.....I was in A LOT of pain and I remember thinking that I possibly had pottied on myself due to focusing on the contractions.....but that was not the case THANK GOD, it was my water breaking. I would have been so embarrassed if I had. This was when the fun really began......once that water breaks....it's all business. The next few hours were pure torture for me. I mean this pain I had to endure was so bad, I would cry because I wanted it to be over, I wanted to give up, I asked my doula if there was any way possible I could have something for the pain. She quickly said No and tried to distract me and get me to focus again on what I was doing. There was a while there when I just wanted to die. I was done....that's it, get this baby out of me! They call this period Transition and this is usually the time when you get so tired and you are in so much pain, you're frustrated but if you just focus and push through that.....you're almost at the end. 7:30 and there I am lying on the bed on my left side now because everything else was just too painful and I had only gotten to a 7-8 centimeters! The tears come and by this point I am completely frustrated because I'm feeling feeling this is just taking way to long and I'm just done with it....hahaha like that's really an option. I was having contraction after contraction with maybe a few seconds in between. Another hour and a half of that....just laying there, taking one contraction at a time, hurting, pleading with God, wondering why I had to endure this kind of pain and why for this long. This by far was the hardest thing I ever had to endure. Around 9 I finally tell them that it's time to start pushing and they say no, it's not quite time and I just said I HAVE TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....I HAVE to get this child out now! So they let me start pushing. I'm not having much luck and everyone is telling me to push and then stop pushing, then push again and then they need me to push even harder because she is not coming down as she should and finally after over an hour of pushing she is born. 10:06 pm!!!!

All that hard work for this very moment. Gary was supposed to cut the cord but for some reason they did not let him and I waited for them to bring her to me but they didn't. Then I notice the Dr. starts to panic which makes me panic....they start rushing around, I'm freaking out, they are injecting me with who knows what and I asked my Doula to please get my mother in the room! I ask them if I am okay and was I dying or something....all the while they are not really saying anything. I hear the doctor order someone to get an operating room prepared.....It was horrible! It all happened so fast and I was terrified, my mom was terrified and who knows what Gary was( he does not share his emotions) but they finally get everything under control and they are having to give me blood but thankfully everything settled down. Apparently they could not get the bleeding to stop and I lost a large amount of blood and they almost had to do an emergency hysterectomy because my uterus was not contracting like it should. It eventually did Thank God! It was the scariest few minutes of my life. One of those moments where you think about your whole life and how it could be over just like that. Finally, 40 minutes after she was born I got to hold her. All those long and hard hours of labor and here she is. She's perfect! Then they tell me she weighs 9 lbs 2 ounces and I am in shock. They also say she came out face up and baby's are supposed to be face down and that is why the labor was so hard. She did not look like a newborn, she was sooooo chubby and swollen and her face is puffy and her face was all bruised. Poor baby was all smashed together so tight in her Mommy's belly. The funniest thing was that she looked just like her daddy! Awe man....you're telling me I suffered for 10 long months of carrying her around inside me and went through this crazy labor and almost bled to death and she's going to look like her dad! That's mean. My doula tells me I had one of the hardest Labors ever and that when the baby is positioned like Bella was that makes things extremely difficult and no one can believe I did it, and not only that I did it naturally. But don't be fooled....I can't let people believe that I wanted to do this naturally. I had to. I'm one of the few lucky women not allowed to have an epidural. I have a blood disorder that prohibits me from being able to have one because if I did it would more than likely lead to permanent paralysis. Something to do with my blood not clotting like it should which is why I bled so much. So yeah, I think I'll pass and just endure the pains of labor and hope and pray I don't bleed to death. Bella was completely worth all I went through to get her here. She has given me so much Joy and I love her more than I could ever describe! She is my lovely Princess Bella Grace. Happy 3rd Birthday sweet baby girl. Mommy loves you so much!

Melissa Ann

You know how sometimes you think about doing something and then for strange reasons you decide against it. You think.......Well, so and so does not care about that kind of thing. Then come to find out they actually do and then you feel bad and so therefor want to make up for it. I know it may seem less sincere but in this case I assure you it's not. You see I have this little sister and I have not always been the best big sister to her. As children I was so mean to her and my other sister and I always use to pick on her because she was the littlest one. It was just the natural order of things. We'd leave her out, we'd tell her she was ugly,we'd tell her she was a brat, we'd throw things at her ( even though I don't remember that but she does) and such was the life of Melissa Ann. The mistreated little sister. Awwww....... I do at times feel really bad because with a lot of things she did get the short end of the stick. Then again since she was the youngest she also got a lot of things us other 2 girls never did and maybe that's why. She got to go on a cruise with a girl friend of hers when she was in high school. She got a new car when she turned 16. She got the most expensive name brand purses and the nicest clothes, she got to stay out late. She pretty much has gotten almost everything she has ever wanted! But I'm not and never was bitter. *Wink*
When I moved away to Dallas she was only 12 years old she was a little kid. When I returned 6 years later she was an adult, she was 18 years old. That was when our relationship changed and we became friends. I discovered in her things that I found so appealing. She was fun to be around and she always wore the prettiest smile. She and I then developed a unique connection, one that was more sisterly. We are both able to be so silly around each other and we always have fun and can laugh and just hang out. She is the fun sister. I've seen her go through so much and she always maintains a positive attitude about everything and she makes me laugh. I have enjoyed watching her transform from that whiny little girl to well.....a whiny big girl. Just kidding! I love my sister Melissa so very much and I wish that I had written this Happy Birthday Blog to her earlier so that she might realize that. Now I'm sad....to think I could have made my little sister smile on her birthday and I did not.

I only want the best for her and she deserves it. So just know that I did think about you today and I hope you have a wonderful dinner tonight. Don't have too many cocktails..... I don't want hear about you sleeping in the closet all night.
: )

Remembering

Where were you 7 years ago? I remember I was at home and got a phone call from my dad to turn on and watch the news because one of the twin towers in new york had been hit by an airplane and was ablaze. And of course you know the rest is history. I was glued to the tv set that whole day in shock and disbelief at what was unfolding live on television. It was horrific to think about all those people trapped, dying, jumping out of windows to save themselves. Earlier this morning Fox news aired a 19 minute video of the events of that day starting with the first plane hitting. I still can not watch that footage with dry eyes. That for me was surely a defining moment. Before then I was pretty naive about the rest of the world (and honestly didn't care all that much either) and all that was going on and I guess that incident caused me to grow up and take more interest in things other than what shoes I was going to wear that day. I'll not ever forget the day the world did change......for me.

Candy addict

I am so addicted to those candy corn pumpkin candy that come out every year around Halloween. I made the mistake of buying a bag the other day at Target and I finished the bag in about 1 1/2 days. The WHOLE BAG! That is why I can not keep things like that in the house because I have no will power what so ever when I know they are near. It's like this obsessive compulsive thing I have going on. I think about them non stop until I eat it so it's better to just eat it all at once and get it out of the way.....ya know? But I have to be strong and buy no more but it's going to be really really hard. I can also eat a whole pound of those 1 lb twizzler bags that you can find in the candy aisle, in a few hours sometimes. Thankfully I really only get that ravenous craving once a month.....but for those few days when that craving hits......get out of the way! I need my candy. What's ironic about it is that I am so picky about what I will put in my body most times, and candy is probably one of the worst things ( cause it's all sugar)to eat but I only eat the candy that is fat free. That is how I feel okay about it. Goofy, I know.

I'm secretly a tree hugging hippy

I just love central market. To go there for me is a big treat and today I ventured past the Southpark Meadows area and went there with Bella. First off they are brilliant for having balloons for the kids right when you walk in.....it kept Bella pretty occupied while I explored through out the store. My main mission was insect repellent because I can't find the kind I like anywhere else. I use the Burt's Bee's kind and I absolutely swear that stuff works way better than OFF and it's all natural and you don't have to worry about spraying unnecessary chemicals on your children's (or your own) skin. I also bought a couple of rosemary plants that I am sooooooooo excited about. They smell simply wonderful and they were only 4 dollars each which I thought was a great deal! I also got a lavender plant too.....I can't wait to pot them and set them out by the front door. I could spend hours and hours there looking at everything. There really is no other grocery store like it and if you have never seen their floral section, you're missing out. They had some of the most gorgeous hydrangeas I have ever seen! If I could, I would buy those every week and put them all over my house. I have to limit my visits there because it's pretty hard to leave with out spending at least 100 dollars...I was proud of myself today because I stayed way under that. My goal is to one day be able to do ALL of my grocery shopping there and also all of our household items needs there as well. All of my cleaning products, toothpaste, soaps, shampoo, you know stuff like that. That might be a little tricky when it concerns Gary though, he is still not fully into my all natural products just yet. He still likes his chemical laden kind all though I was surprised that he does actually like my Tom's brand spearmint mouthwash now....hahaha. I just love that place, they have every imaginable product you could need in all natural and organic selections. Anyhow that's all I can think to write about today.....Going to Central Market was my excitement for the morning.

Dr. Evil

Okay so this morning at 8 oclock I had a dentist appointment. Morning started off rocky to begin with and then I have to go to the dentist. So I am not having a good day today. First of all I had 2 cavities! These are the first 2 cavities I have had in my entire life and so they had to fill those. Then do a deep cleaning because it has been forever since I have been to the dentist and when I say forever....I mean forever though I am not going to admit just how long because that is extremely embarrassing. Anyway the whole left side of my face is completely numb...even the corner of my left eye and I can't feel my tongue or teeth, only a throbbing pain radiating from my gums. I have sensitive gums. Very sensitive gums. They hurt. The funniest thing is that I can't tell that I am drooling out of the left side of my mouth so I have to constantly keep checking to make sure I am dry. And last but not least I have to be very conscious of my tongue since it is so numb.....I could actually be biting down on it and not even know....which they say is NOT GOOD! I absolutely HATE.....let me say that again, HATE going to the dentist. All the sounds of the drills and scrapping and squirting and sucking have my nerves shot. I'm literally shaking.....Oh man....this morning has been pure torture for this girl. Thank GOD Gary is off today....I'm crawling back in bed.