I'm not Crazy

Tomorrow I have my EMG/NCV Nerve testing. There is no way I can put in words (it would take about 25 hours) the worry/anxiety that this little test has put me through. Well not so much the test but what has led up to the test. It seems like it's been a long, drawn out process that has required me to play a lot of the waiting game. I'm not good at waiting. It's a form of torture if you ask me. I'd rather shovel dirt piles than have to wait to find out my fate. For me, the unknown is scary and not only that, things I have no control over literally drive me insane. Literally. I like to be in control...in the know of what is going on with myself especially if it concerns my health. I know it probably sounds funny but I assure you there is nothing funny about hour after hour after hour of worrying about something. The what ifs, the agonizing over the what ifs about the what ifs. It's been a torturous cycle. It has brought me to sheer panic plenty of times because the reality of not knowing is just too unbearable. And worst...thinking that the worst possible scenario I can come up with in my mind might actually be true. The Good news is that I have looked at these last few weeks as a growing process. A challenge. A test of my faith. Can I trust GOD? Is he Good? Can I put my life completely in his hands( for better or worse) and no matter what the outcome still believe he is an ALL loving God and one that will never forsake me? These are the hard questions I really had to ask myself? And those are not easy questions.

So now what? Well I have come to terms with the diagnosis I have been given. Benign Fasciculation Syndrome. It's basically a nerve disorder that causes twitching all over my body and can also cause shakiness, muscle fatigue, muscle spasm/cramps, itchiness, headaches and some other annoying things. I have all the symptoms! So the test tomorrow is to rule out any major muscle/nerve disease like multiple Sclerosis, Lou Gherig's disease and some others. The specialist I met with last week seems to think I have none of those horrible diseases and is almost 100% positive it's just the Benign Fasciculation Syndrome. The testing will give us that confirmation or not. So I pray for a normal EMG/NCV test and can live with the twitching and all those other annoying symptoms as long as it means I am not going to become cripple or die from a horrible disease. While there is no known cure for BFS it is an acknowledged disorder and that gives me some peace because I really was starting to think all these symptoms I was having were in my head and now I realize they were not. I'M NOT CRAZY! Isn't that great??