So last night Gary and I had to take a parenting class at Hannah's school. It's one of the requirements of the school, every parent must take a minimum of 3 hours training through out the school year. It's really refreshing to me to have Hannah in a school that really cares about her and about us as well. Anyway, that's not the point of this blog but since I have seen both public and private education, I can really see the difference that sending your child to a private school makes. It's completely worth the financial sacrifice.
Let me say I was blown away by this class. The class was called Shepherding a Child's Heart. I realized that the way Gary and I have been parenting is not exactly how we should be. I know as parents we like to think how we do things is the right way and we "expect" our kids to follow our lead. But we have been going about some things in the wrong manner . As far as teaching good behavior goes we have only been trying to fix hannah's bad behavior as opposed to fixing her heart. For what is in our hearts directs how we will behave. I never thought of it like that before. I always just tried to fix the bad behavior. For example......Sharing. When Hannah and Bella are fighting over a certain toy and both want it they both are going to plead their case for why "they" should have it. It's completely a selfish thing. So typically what I would say is. Well, "who had it first?" That seems like the logical way to solve the problem, right? Okay so ..."Bella you had it first...then you should be able to keep playing with it....Hannah let it go"!What did that really teach them? Well the bible does not really teach that whomever has something first, has the right to it. No, the bible teaches to love each other as you love your self so when it comes down to sharing...if you love your sister like you love yourself, sharing will not be an issue. You will want her to have it out of the love you have for her. So what we should be teaching in that instance is not who had it first, we teach to the heart of the matter, that letting the other have it would be the right thing to do. That's some hard stuff! But it just made so much sense to me. Literally something in my heart and in my brain connected and I was like.....WOW! I have been neglecting the heart issues and just teaching my child to listen to what I say because I said so, with out teaching what the core issue is and instilling good principles in my child's heart. I want my children to learn to make good choices. For themselves. Not just so that they don't get in trouble, but because they want to do what is right. Most children will do what they are told to avoid a negative consequence or to gain a reward. But is that really teaching them to do the right thing, simply for the sake of doing the right thing? I don't think so. I know Gary and I are guilty of trying to get Bella and Hannah to behave certain ways by offering rewards for that good behavior. Basically through Manipulation. I see now that, that method is all wrong. Instead we should be teaching to the heart of the matter. It's like us as adults and how we relate to our Father. God tells us what is right and what is wrong. It's up to us to make the right choice. But we don't do it because GOD says we will be rewarded and if we do, then we are doing it for the wrong reasons. We should be doing it because we desire to do what is right. Not for the reward. So that is exactly how we should be teaching our kids. I don't want to have to manipulate them into good behavior. I want it to come from their hearts. I want to confidently send my child out into the world knowing I've equipped her with knowing how to make good choices and not feeling like she will only behave when she has to or when she thinks no one is looking.
Here are a couple good verses.
Proverbs 4:23 - 23 Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it [spring] the issues of life
Proverbs 22:15 - Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.
I have read many parenting books, even other Christian ones dealing with behavior and how to "FIX" bad/negative behavior and I did learn a lot from them but not like I did from this. How we act, all of us, our behavior comes from the heart. So to "correct" in us and in our children first has to come from fixing what's in the heart. At the end of the day, isn't that what GOD looks at anyway? We have to get down to the heart of the matter.
Let me say I was blown away by this class. The class was called Shepherding a Child's Heart. I realized that the way Gary and I have been parenting is not exactly how we should be. I know as parents we like to think how we do things is the right way and we "expect" our kids to follow our lead. But we have been going about some things in the wrong manner . As far as teaching good behavior goes we have only been trying to fix hannah's bad behavior as opposed to fixing her heart. For what is in our hearts directs how we will behave. I never thought of it like that before. I always just tried to fix the bad behavior. For example......Sharing. When Hannah and Bella are fighting over a certain toy and both want it they both are going to plead their case for why "they" should have it. It's completely a selfish thing. So typically what I would say is. Well, "who had it first?" That seems like the logical way to solve the problem, right? Okay so ..."Bella you had it first...then you should be able to keep playing with it....Hannah let it go"!What did that really teach them? Well the bible does not really teach that whomever has something first, has the right to it. No, the bible teaches to love each other as you love your self so when it comes down to sharing...if you love your sister like you love yourself, sharing will not be an issue. You will want her to have it out of the love you have for her. So what we should be teaching in that instance is not who had it first, we teach to the heart of the matter, that letting the other have it would be the right thing to do. That's some hard stuff! But it just made so much sense to me. Literally something in my heart and in my brain connected and I was like.....WOW! I have been neglecting the heart issues and just teaching my child to listen to what I say because I said so, with out teaching what the core issue is and instilling good principles in my child's heart. I want my children to learn to make good choices. For themselves. Not just so that they don't get in trouble, but because they want to do what is right. Most children will do what they are told to avoid a negative consequence or to gain a reward. But is that really teaching them to do the right thing, simply for the sake of doing the right thing? I don't think so. I know Gary and I are guilty of trying to get Bella and Hannah to behave certain ways by offering rewards for that good behavior. Basically through Manipulation. I see now that, that method is all wrong. Instead we should be teaching to the heart of the matter. It's like us as adults and how we relate to our Father. God tells us what is right and what is wrong. It's up to us to make the right choice. But we don't do it because GOD says we will be rewarded and if we do, then we are doing it for the wrong reasons. We should be doing it because we desire to do what is right. Not for the reward. So that is exactly how we should be teaching our kids. I don't want to have to manipulate them into good behavior. I want it to come from their hearts. I want to confidently send my child out into the world knowing I've equipped her with knowing how to make good choices and not feeling like she will only behave when she has to or when she thinks no one is looking.
Here are a couple good verses.
Proverbs 4:23 - 23 Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it [spring] the issues of life
Proverbs 22:15 - Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.
I have read many parenting books, even other Christian ones dealing with behavior and how to "FIX" bad/negative behavior and I did learn a lot from them but not like I did from this. How we act, all of us, our behavior comes from the heart. So to "correct" in us and in our children first has to come from fixing what's in the heart. At the end of the day, isn't that what GOD looks at anyway? We have to get down to the heart of the matter.
4 comments:
This is a fantastic writing. Thank you for taking the time to write it all out.
This is really good stuff, Monica! What you said makes so much sense.
What a word Monica! Great job bringing it to edible life. The time certainly is no other than now with our children. God has given us a "talent" in our children, it is up to us, through His direction to not just maintain it, but to multiply it.
Thank you for sharing that.
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