Rejection

Rejection has long been something I trembly feared. It has kept me from doing many things in my life because the cost of rejection to me was too high a price to pay for anything that grabbed my attention. Even if it was something I really really wanted to do. Because of that, I never ever initiated being friends with someone. I always waited to be approached. If someone didn't approach me, well then they must not like me so it's not worth it to persue them. So I didn't (I wonder what kinds of things I've missed out on because of this consuming fear) Because if I did and then it ended up, that person did not like me, well then that may as well be the end of me because obviously I'm worthless. I think that philosophy caused me to seem Snobby or like I thought I was too good for everyone. It was actually quite opposite. But that was pretty much my way of thinking. Gary used to make fun of me because he could not believe that was how I lived my life. He could not understand that it was literally paralyzing for me to put myself out there for someone or to extend an invitation out to someone. However I did have friends through out my life and was always able to form friendships pretty easily but looking back I realized now that all the people I was friends with pretty much made the first move. They made the effort. I'm taking strides to change that. This fear of rejection was not just reserved for people though. I pretty much did not put myself out there for anything. No way was it in my way to seek out possibly being rejected. By anthing! So I have made a conscious choice and have decided to stop that way of thinking and living. I mean seriously what is so bad about being told no? Yeah it would be, or is embarassing but do I think myself so highly a person that I feel I am above the humiliation? I guess that's what I have been saying all these years in a way even though that's not really the full case. So I am making great strides to also humble myself. Maybe being rejected sometimes can be character building. Maybe we need to be rejected at times. I mean Jesus himself was rejected and I definitely don't think I am better than he. It surely did not mean he was a worthless person so maybe I shouldn't see it that way. Maybe it just means a failed opportunity for whatever reason but it surely does not mean I am not worthy. Or that I am not liked. I realize now, not everyone is going to like me and that too is becoming okay. Who am I to think that everyone should. My worth comes from GOD, not from being accepted by another human being. I have recently put this into action , meaning extending out an invitation, and I must say I am alive and I am fine, and yes I extended an invitation out there, I took a shot and was told no. Good news.........I did not shrivel up and hide in a corner somewhere and die and being told no will not keep me from reaching out again or from trying something else new. So am I saying I want to be rejected? No, of course not but will I be okay if I am. Absolutely.