Grandparents

I miss having grandparents. I guess my last living grandparent passed away a little over 5 years ago and for some reason she was heavily on my mind this morning while on our way to church. Right before she died she had been living in a nursing home and much to my embarrassment I did not visit her nearly as much as I should have. It was so painful to see her in that environment and I could not visit without leaving in tears so I guess my selfish way of dealing was just to not go. I miss her so much sometimes and wish I could drive to her house and see her smiling face as she opened the door chuckling. "Ohhhhhh"....... she would always say as she scrambled for the key to unlock the door. She was such a strong woman and I guess she had to be because she pretty much raised 6 kids all on her own since she lost her husband at a pretty young age. Bless her heart, she had to raise my dad and his twin brother and if you know them, that could not have been easy. I remember when we were told that she had the disease Alzheimer's and it was like no one could believe it, yet in hindsight there were so many signs that pointed to it. I guess we just blew it off and attributed it to aging. It's such a horrible disease and I'll never forget what it did to her. I'll never forget the last time I saw her in that nursing home and how heart breaking it was when it was time to leave and you could just tell that she thought she was coming with us and she was so upset when she realized she wasn't. She had to stay there but she really didn't even know why. I'm not sure she even realized who we were, just that we were there and that we were visiting with her. I have so many horrible stories that stick in my mind of her days in that nursing home that I am not able to articulately verbalize but they are in there and I remember wondering why all that had to happen and especially why it had to happen to her because she lived such a quiet and humble life. She was a woman of faith, a woman so undeserving of what her final days were. Her whole life she took care of people. I pray she is well taken care of where she is now. A part of me wonders if people with Alzheimer's are people that hold so much inside themselves their entire life that it's manifest in this disease. In the late stages they pretty much loose all inhibitions and don't hesitate to say whatever it is that is on their mind. I wonder if all that has to come out before they can die in peace. Before they can leave. I'm not saying they give it to themselves.......I don't know that probably makes no sense what so ever. Anyhow.......I know she meant a lot to all her children and to all her grandchildren and she was on my mind today so I wanted to get that out. I miss her and I wish I could see her and tell her just how much I admire her and I can't wait until I can finally ask her what were some of the best days of her life. I'd ask her about her husband and my dad as a little boy....I have so many things I would ask her. Unfortunately I thought to ask her these questions just a little bit too late. So if you have living grandparents don't take them for granted. Visit them, talk to them, hug them and tell them you love them. I wish I could.