Friday, October 17, 2008

That thing we call LOVE

Is love a feeling an emotion, or action? Webster defines love as (Noun) (1): strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b: an assurance of love . Yet also as a Verb - 1: to hold dear : cherish. The Latin word for love is lubēre or libēre which means to please. To please is an action. For me the word Love has changed meaning over the course of my life time. I use the word too loosely sometimes....I say I love shoes, I love mexican food. But does that really make sense? How do you love Mexican food?? I now believe Love is something you do, not something you feel but there are many people out there that would argue that point. Some people say that love is only a feeling, actions and words are just refection of how you feel. Could make sense right?? Or does it? Could a successful marriage survive on how you feel? Feelings are not always reliable and they do and will change from day to day. Love can't change. Love is what it is. So then Love becomes a choice. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is 1 Corinthians 13. You know, the one about Love, Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant....etc. All those descriptions of love are actions. Even more interesting to me is that the word LOVE in that passage used to be the word Charity in The King James Version. Charity. So Charity is also Love. Again an action. I don't know....what do you think?? Can we tell people we Love them? Or do we just have to do it? I don't know....what do you think?

3 comments:

mrclif10 said...

In my opinion, the answer to your question "Is love a feeling an emotion, or action?" is YES. That may be why the Greeks had three distinct words that are all translated to English as "love." Here's an article that I think breaks it down well:

EROS
Eros is probably what most people mean when they announce with a smile, "I'm in love." This type of love covers everything from queasy stomachs and warm fuzzy feelings to strong sensual passion.

There are a couple of very interesting characteristics about eros. First, in order to exist eros is dependent upon the situation and circumstances. As long as a couple is enjoying a romantic situation, eros can thrive. But, as soon as hurtful words or actions appear, eros simply evaporates.

Second, eros is also held captive to each person's perception. For example, if someone perceives a particular quiet evening dinner with candles to be romantic, eros will thrive. However, passion becomes squashed for someone whenever he or she interprets the current situation to be undesirable. Eros thus grows strong and then wastes away based upon our perceptions.

Although eros at times might make us feel like we are on cloud nine, it can not provide a reliable basis for building a deep and meaningful relationship since it is so fickle and dependent upon perception and circumstances. Because of such things as accidents, diseases, and the fact that someone can choose to doubt or despise you regardless of your actions, it is clear that we can not determine how others will perceive us nor are we masters of our own circumstances. Although eros is exhilarating, this is not the Biblical word used for love.

PHILIA
We recognize philia and its meaning from the name Philadelphia, that is, the city of brotherly love. This is the love of friendship, best friends, and the fellowship of being with those people you enjoy.

Although philia is wonderful, it too is not reliable since it is also held captive by the sifting sands of situation as well as by ours and other's perceptions and expectations. Unfortunately, we probably all know of a friendship which waned or was severed because of time, distance, harsh words, how someone interpreted another's actions, etc. When the New Testament commends love, philia is the not the word which is used.

The Beauty of AGAPE
Unlike the previous two types of love, agape is not limited to being held hostage by its environment and someone's perception. The reason why agape can soar above these is because it is based upon the commitment of a decision. It entails the decision to proactively seek someone's well-being. Since it is not a knee jerk reaction nor just a responsive feeling to how I've been treated, agape is capable of acting in a hostile environment where there are no warm fuzzy feelings. For example, Jesus' teaching that we should agape our enemies is intended to show the boundless nature of the Christian commitment toward seeking another's well-being. Luke 6:35

If it were not enough that the proactive nature of agape has the power to rise above its environment, it can also empower passion and friendship! For example, when a spouse chooses to speak and act toward the mate with agape, this creates the loving environment in which eros and philia can thrive! Although the proactive spouse might even perceive the other spouse as being unkind or rude, additional problems can be prevented by responding out of agape while the power of agape works at nurturing the growth of the other forms of love!

Monica said...

Babe all that sounds pretty similar to how CS Lewis writes about love in The Four Loves. Interesting Stuff.

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