Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Does worrying = No faith?
Days like today drive me crazy. I am not good at waiting and I am a Pro at worrying. Waiting + Worrying = Major Anxiety for me. I had a dr. apt today which did not result in any real answers.....only another dr. appointment. So for 2 more days all I will be able to think about is.... what in the world is wrong with me. I'm going to obsess about this and not be much fun to be around because I will be going insane thinking about possibilities. The kind of person I am is one which tends to always assume the worst but at least hopes for the best. Gary calls this negative.....I call it realistic. But I pretty much have convinced my self I more than likely have cancer and it's going to take me away from what I love so much and that is my family. I told my dad today that if I should die and Gary ever remarries....to not be mad at him. Yes....these are the kinds of thoughts that are running through my mind. What will happen to the girls? Will Gary be able to raise them with out me, etc etc etc. Can bad thoughts lead to those bad thoughts existence? My dad always says to not worry and to just leave things in GODS hands and to have faith that everything will be okay. That is easier said than done for me. I mean I have faith in GOD and I know everything happens for a reason and those reasons are not always going to be understood by me but just because I worry does not mean I do not have faith in GOD does it? I mean faithful people still can get cancer. I hear people say that some times things happen to test your faith. Why? Is faith not real until it is tested? Is faith only imaginary until then? I think I have great faith in GOD and his plans but I don't think that because I have faith that it means I will always be 100% fine. I don't think faith in GOD promises me a life of no struggles. When I worry......can that cause GOD to punish me and make happen what I worry? How do people not worry? Gary never worries, he always thinks things will work out for the best. But I say bad things still happen to good people all the time. I mean faithful people can still get cancer. I guess it's the not knowing what will happen to my 2 girls if I should ever leave this life behind that disturbs me the most. Oh this is going to be a long 2 days.
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6 comments:
Hang in there :) There's most likely nothing majorly wrong. Yes, bad things do happen to good people - I see it all the time. I totally understand the worries about what would happen to your girls, and I think that's natural. To be honest, I would be more wary if you weren't concerned about those things: The fact that it's on your heart means you're a caring mother!
A few months ago I had a little episode where I was sure I was dying - right now. It seems silly looking back, but at the time, I just knew it. The first thought I had was railing at God to say "don't you DARE take me away from Jimmy & Drew!" Not very faithful, I guess, but it's the truth nonetheless. Either I was mistaken about my symptoms, or he listened, because I'm still here.
All that rambling to say - I think you're human and it's natural to worry when we're scared - especially about our families. Sometimes it takes a while for me to turn these worries over to God - one at a time - so that he can lift the burden off my shoulders. But just carte blanche giving up worrying all together would seem a bit more neurotic than faithful. That's just my two cents.
Whatever happens, I'm praying for peace for you and healing for whatever is going on in your body. It's probably silly - like gas or something [hehe :)]
Oh sister sister...I love you, and everything will be OK!!!! I'm praying for you.
I recently read in a devotional by Oswald Chambers something about this
very thing.
Not to completely take a verse out of context, however in
Revelations One and Seven, it states "Behold He cometh with the clouds".
In this correlation he states clouds in the bible are always associated
with God. Clouds are a reflection in retrospect of sorrows, or
sufferings within our outside of our personal lives, which seem to come
against the rule of an ever caring God. However it is by these clouds
Oswald states that the Holy Spirit is teaching us to walk by faith. If
we did not have these "clouds" we would need not faith. "The clouds are
the dust of our Fathers feet." God does not become clear, nor near in
most cases without first clouds. He is not coming in these toils to
teach us something, more so He is coming to unlearn something. His
purpose in the cloud is to simplify our understanding until our
relationship with Him is just as a child. There is to be just us and
God. No one else, utter dependence and faith upon Him.
I had never looked at faith as this. However looking at it now, I can see the light through the clouds.
I don't think that worrying means you don't have faith, but I think that the devil plants these thoughts in your mind to make you "feel" as if you have no faith. I think that you have a little bit of control over these thoughts and if you dwell on them, you will make yourself miserable. But, when you begin to have these negative thoughts, if you replace them with more positive thoughts, then you have rebuked the devil and given him no credit. The Bible tells us to praise God in all things...that means the good and the bad.
This may be too much information, but when I got pregnant the first time, all I could think about was having a baby. It consumed my every thought. Then we got pregnant and I was so excited! After 12 weeks of pure bliss, I found out that we had lost the baby. I was completely and utterly devestated. But looking back on that now, I had to get to the point in my life where I told God that I would praise Him no matter what happened. Even if I never had children! Now we have been blessed with two beautiful children.
I have said all of this simply to say, I will be praying for you and I will have faith for you that everything will be fine!!
Thanks everybody. It's amazing what kind and encouraging words can do for the soul. I'm feeling at peace today....thanks for your prayers.
AND
Hey Raven!!!! Your wise words amaze me and I'm constantly impressed with how you have handled everything that life has thrown at you ( and your kids ).
Thanks for taking time to leave me your thoughs. It means a lot.
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